12/15 6pm - Call it
I’m starting to realize that maybe it’s because I wasn’t even supposed to be here…
But my family saved my life
And as many times that I have ducked death I learned not to fear
To be there - where the dark brings our furry to a deep calming stare
I still got to be here
And in the worst of times I’ve gotten the best memories
Part of me prays they bury me - even though cremation was always the plan
The plan - and that’s what I can’t stand
I had a plan and dreams and wishes I never got to see
While everyone is watching and judging trying to say how I’d be
Every bit of psych games to make a perfect victim out of me
To me?
My family… I do it all for them
And even if we only stand a nuclear 4
I’ll still bang down satans door with no hesitation
I respect both as greater than me
And I don’t blame anyone for my shortcomings cause that’s the trip of life and what it’s meant to be
At least for me…
I just wanna ask him wtf all this pain was for
Why god gave me dreams then show me I’ll never get them anymore
The Devil been kind to me
I can’t lie
But he didn’t answer me either when all I did was just ask why
Love, honor, obey and abide
I should have never took that oath without a man by my side
And I swear I didn’t…
Idk how either and I’m not here to make anyone a believer
I just hate that I have to deceive her -
My mom… all the time
The person on this earth that gave me her gold heart
I tell her I’m with friends when I’m alone to play the part
The part that won’t break her heart too
I just don’t want her to know how truly miserable and lonely I am
Or how mean people I have forgiven really have been
Sometimes I wish I could just break this world apart
I just don’t understand life or people or egos of the ones who claim to be so smart
I’ll be the retart
I’ll never make an excuse for anyone again
I just want to learn how to make a real friend
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