Life is a chess board

[Tebo]

The wording was good, the way you portrayed this peice, the origionality was great. Some parts of the rhyme scheme was basic, but was awsome. The way it began & concluded was just all metaphorically spoken. Very origional, excellent, brilliant.

[Witty]

thanks dude

upping

[urban legendz]

Dam, what can I say this was one well organised piece, your had an abundance of creativity convey'd through out this piece, your story line was brillant, although i felt some parts could've used a little more attention, this piece had a significant amount of meta's and wonderful meta's at that, the imagery in this piece was vivid enought to paint a picture of what you were tring to portray with this piece, you exclamations and dialog and diction all worked for the best with the emotion, I understood every aspet of this piece, you had the vocab of a scholar, your piece created this free yet sophisticated atmosphere through out this iece and you kept that up to par throughout this piece, the rhyme scheme was wonderful, it's good to see a original rhyme scheme and not the old traitional abab aabb, you kept me interesed from the opener to the end and I think thats very important concear'n topicals, well enough said Lol this was an overall very respectable piece one of the best I read in some time.

Favorite Lines:

Screaming from her crib, my baby awakens
As I gaze merrily vacant - complacent
Patient with life, take it one-pace-at-a-time
Newly bloomed buds are greatly sublime
I smile….and just lay back and kick it
Play badminton, black jack and cricket
Friday - Saturday - Sunday - days of the lord
Where the face of the board, is outcast
Like the ways of the sword
The pawns move forward
Kings and Queens step aside
And on one of these days, even the bishops survive
------there goes another black------
Sliced from the knife of the knight
The whites are ahead, blacks are behind
But continue to fight, their loss at the back of their mind
The piece might be dead, but it’s tracks are unsigned

:realist:


Please Leave Feed On This Link.

[Tim]

This was a very endepth piece i felt with alot of meaning that came along with it for reals loving the rhyme scheme and the whole approach you took with it very good flow also that had my eyes moving side to side with so stop to it good job my man. content wise this has everything in it so want to congrad you on this glad to see shit like this is the crew

peep mine buddy
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=327008

[M'Fresh]

holy shit man... that was fuckin flawless... you had me readin that shit on the edge, full of great vocab and metaphores... I could find an amazing poetic flow just by reading out loud... great concept and great job of sticking to it throughout

[M'Fresh]

If you could give the feedback luv... it would be much appreciated...
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=326783 good lookin once again...

[A Disciple]

Who woke me up like this?

[A Disciple]

I really have nothing to say and not entertaining wars on people you never even met. Maybe if I wasn't hit in my born city - it would be different. Or just trying to stand thru 6 years of hell since I finally woke up (too late of course). Maybe if my family wasn't lied to, or the hate so legal with a primitive instinct of pacing worrying about my young day and night ever since. Knowing you're sitting there smiling in their fucking face too. I could care less if you die slow too mother fucker. At least you're obviously not even innocent and didn't even deserve it. I'm not gonna write some hate piece back I'm just gonna say you look so fucking stupid. I was 16 when I watched Chris get murdered. The party prolly got shot up over your same cause and like... it's never the ones that deserve it though. I can't ever understand that Lord. +

- - - Updated - - -

It's like getting jumped by the entire underground and I ain't even seen my 2nd until like a week ago. Slaughtering babies???? LMFAO and I'm sorry but...

[I’ll suck your cock]

This was arguably the gayest shit I have ever had the misfortune to have ever read in my life.

Terrible read!

Why?

It tried way too hard to use metaphorical references and fell flat. This was flat out just trying to be an edgelord and with a trainwreck of a result.

First ballot Hall of Shame piece! Awful!

[Lady Poet]

This is so amazing
Creative verse
the flow is nice & smooth
powerful meaning
very strong words

[A Disciple]

The first time I got sick tracing and talking to spirits (my 4th time in all I think it was) I drew a chess board recovering, made the worst picture and was gonna have it framed. I refuse to trace now. They were ALL so mean to me and still are. A picture album back then and that drawing. Just like I've done again being stuck in the zone for 6 years now. Chris. He died in my lap and I only met him 2 days before but I always assumed he was the "eyes in back of me" ... now I don't know how he'd judge me. I'm not perfect and being so strong so young, I never really gave a fuck if I had friends or if anyone liked me - "I rather be paid then popular" and just cared about work. Now that it's all fallen down I don't know how I feel - but I still feel I didn't make too many mistakes. My worst of them forgiving the people closest to me who hurt me. It's like that Pac movie = being up against a ghost all the time. Now I don't know if it was him (Chris) or if I had children at a too young of age that I had to give up. But I just had to do my best and make my mark despite. I know this isn't therapy but I got to the point where I said I'm not getting back up after the 3 bangs and 5 weeks - but you have to. I'm obviously still crawling but... Ironic, but I had to read it for the date and title. ~ Chris Hollins 2.4.95 ~

- - - Updated - - -

I'm so confused I don't even know if i have kids.

[A Disciple]

If you were me, most of you would be inside the bubble room of mental chewing on a styrofoam cup. I'm trying to get thru this and it IS embarrassing too. So thank you to the ones that let me freak out without making fun of me too bad and the ones who just ignore it too. You can't make sense of insanity but I still need to come to terms with stuff that has happened. When someone peed on my bed I realized I was made the "perfect victim" when the cop said it was my cat that peed. Or that butterfly on the door across the hall that didn't move for 3 days. I understand why I can't file a police report sometimes but I'm tired of people dismissing it. I'm tired of pacing. Ok... enough said.

[Witty]

This was arguably the gayest shit I have ever had the misfortune to have ever read in my life.

Terrible read!

Why?

It tried way too hard to use metaphorical references and fell flat. This was flat out just trying to be an edgelord and with a trainwreck of a result.

First ballot Hall of Shame piece! Awful!

I happen to be looking back at my early verses (yes I am that pathetic) and I completely agree with your feedback.

I have no idea what the fuck this verse is about. As far as I can tell it makes no fucking sense at all.

To be fair though, I wrote this when I was 16 and even though this was pointless I was already clearly a more talented writer than the vast majority of people who have ever posted here.

[Virbius]

Mental floss! Worth the read for that alone. I’m used to not knowing what the fuck’s going on so I didn’t mind that. You still writing nowadays?

[NoNun2]

Amazing and the date it was written is tattooed on my back cause I watched a saint go down… I wanted to buy the corner lot where it happened and turn it into a park for at risk youths to be safe and free especially in the calm time you need to muster up the courage to turn yourself in type. And ironically I wanted to put a king chess piece in black there… Hollins? Is that you in there?