Forever my heart is his

[lostinlove]

Since writters block has hit me, I took an old poem of mine and messed with it a bit, tell me what to work on I also know it lacks imagery. And i'm sorry about that, just what else should I work on?

Take a look at me, you see strawberry blonde hair, remarkable blue eyes and a small smile.
But if you look deeper at me, reflected in my eyes you see;
My bones show cracks from past lashing of an uncontrolled tongue.
My skin covered with lines of pink, some white.
Of self hate, broken hearts and a broken home.
No one to protect me but two dogs and a 10 pound hammer.
I was raised being broken down and told I'm worthless.
I never thought I’d be saved, but I was.
I had just broken down and met my last resort
Then God sends me a few angels.
And these angels took me away,
I believe in three types of love; friend, family and the love only a partner could give
I still have cracked bones and lines from self infliction.

Then one day in Febuaray, when I'm at my worst,
When I've got this loaded gun in my hand, and to my temple
I close my eyes and feel myself pull the hammer down, about to squeeze the trigger,
Then one of god’s fallen angels, takes the gun away from me and somehow unloads it then gently takes it from my hands.
My eyes open and I expose my baby blues to him and fold into his arms.
He see's me for who I truly am.
He takes the scars into account, the bitchy mood swings and the depression that comes during the months of January, February and the first of March.
Unlike the past guys, he takes me for who I am.
He saved me from the one thing I fear most,
Myself.
That is why he is my guardian angel.
Feeds:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...724/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...681/index.html

[N.F.M.]

^_^

[ItoldUIwasFat]

this was different from most of the poetry on this website.

this was like a journey through your life and you did an excellent job expressing it to the reader (me) lol. i really liked this because this had such a personal touch to it. The boldness of you to write about your past experiences was appreciated and not overlooked. as far as the technical side of things you have some work to do, struture for me was off and just wasnt consistant enough for..some lines strecthed out to long some to short.

and yes it lacked imagery by design but the story you conveyed about your life made up for that. i dunno but i pictured you holding a gun and almost killing your self when i read it so the imagery is def there.

this was simplistic but dam it it captured me...very cool read.

[lostinlove]

Thankyou Art ^_^
And yes Wes, it is about you ^_^