The door closes as loud as the thunder outside
There's screams all around
As the girl gets choaked from the pillow she was under
The letter
beside the bed
Was wet from the ink spilled on it
Still not dry
Sucide for millions of young people out there wanting to die
With no body to reley on but the snap of a neck or drowned by there last breath
On there way to hell or heaven because sucide counts as a death ....
The people that they once loved left gutterd
And life less As her mum was trying to tell the police what happened but her mouth sluttered
And her words stumbled
Knowing that she couldent of done anything to help her daughter have second thoughts on what she did but nobody could blame her that's just a short life in the right mind of a kid
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This read like a story at first to me rather than a poem, but the line is quite thin between them anyway. lol Anyway the structure could use some serious work but the content within' wasn't bad at all, shows potential. Hmm, regarding the structure though there are numerous spelling mistakes, the lines cut off randomly and it looks quite messy and there is a lack of punctuation. Also, I don't think sluttered is an actual word. lol There was good emotion though and the plot was good considering it was such a cliché topic. Keep it up. It was entertaining. For your first poem it shows potential, keep writing.
