Thank you so much for critiquing my piece. I really wanna edit this piece and make some of those bars nicer, and fix up the vocab to make each bar just slide off the tongue with ease. I'm glad I'm getting some in depth readers =]
Thank you so much for critiquing my piece. I really wanna edit this piece and make some of those bars nicer, and fix up the vocab to make each bar just slide off the tongue with ease. I'm glad I'm getting some in depth readers =]
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yo I liked this piece because it was straight from the heart. No matter how simple or basic pieces like this may be in regards to rhyming skills and what not, those written from the heart have as much if not more impact then those that are purely mumbo jumbo. that is why I liked this one. My favorite bar in this was:
I use the sharp edges of my shattered hopes and dreams
I can't write a rap without relating it back to me
very realistic. Nice 1
Hey thanks for the feed dude. I just really want to combine my work from the heart, and my vocab, to create a really good piece.
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up.
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this shits pretty dope man. Alot of really good rhymes and it flows good.
Lol. Thanks for the feed...?
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Nah but its good man. Did you just make this up on the spot?
For some parts yes, for other parts, I actually thought about the lines before writing them out.Originally Posted by CanadianPsycho
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Feels good till you finish then you wana sleep
Cause when I fall from my high I gotta flee
I can't take it reality is too much to bare with
My life's torn like punching brick with bare fists
This rap is just a foundation to raise my kidsAll I really wana do is smoke weed and just slack
Sit around, do nothin, and just scratch my sackSike, I'm so fuckin' poor I cut myself without knives
I use the sharp edges of my shattered hopes and dreams
well lemme admit in the beginning i wasn't really feeling the flow but as it got further into it the flow started to connect more. but for the most part you made sense and carried alot of shit people can relate to. like the first quote about just doing it for your kids. for money and support. its not easy in this world because some niggas got criminal backgrounds with felonys and struggle to get jobs. so picking up the mic and spittin' your struggle becomes your only option. but it does take time and patience regardless. the 2nd quote i just liked because it reminded me alot of myself. im the lazy type who just likes to smoke weed and chill all day. so yeah i found it pretty funny.. and the 3rd quote just hit with alot of power and emotion. probably the most powerful bar of this piece and it was really dope. your a good writer man so keep at it.
Man, you really interpreted this piece the way I wanted everyone to see it. This really makes me happy knowing that people can connect, and interpret my words correctly. Thank you so much for dropping feed on this, I'll be sure to peep some of your shit whenever I see it.
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up^^^#5
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