Champion of Nothing

[Alphaeus]

Champion of Nothing
by Atmo

If something starts, you give it your full heart
There as it start’s, before it tears you apart
I wish it never started, I wish I had just left it
Fore now I am ignored, dirty and pestered
A man has chosen me to be tested
Sweat pours as it rains from me – I am restless
Nothing gained, except words now in line
Concepts blurry and intuition was never mine
I write, I breathe
I am
I will away my day
Another day to waste-
Like I said, nothing gained but a new style
A fashion, another novelty forever in denial
Flickering candle used to light my way
Blank page captured an image of human dismay
First it’s five
Then seven
Fight to stay alive
Overcompensate
By the time he reaches eight
Then seven
Fate is sealed
Voter’s minds are weapons
These last few months have been hell
I am ill; I’ve not been looking after myself
Surly you can understand why I am, doubting
I can’t run up hills but expected to climb mountains
I climbed and started a thirteen hour wait
A saw a glimpse of the man, he arrived a day late
With a burning sense to wipe out the flowers
An scent lingered and miscounted his words
Then we encounter, nerve to nerve, verse to verse
I write, I breathe
I am
I will away my day
My words go to waste
Am I stood on a mountain or rooftop, am I mistaken
I had to take a second look, since I was slated
Picked apart by a pack of wolves
That turned on one of their own
Honoured and mourned by killers home grown.
He should have taken it…
No he deserving…
Sad thing is, the prize wasn’t worth shit
All I have is hassle and the weight in gold is heavy
The weight of the world
Champion of Nothing
If you don’t understand the earth

What is a tournament?
An open display of ego’s
Are you proud?
Like Me.

[Alphaeus]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ht-386353.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...me-389058.html

[Alphaeus]

Any Feedback?

[Johnny 6-feet]

This was more of a poetry piece then an OM in my opinion. Your focus seemed to be more heavily on the imagery and stream of consciousness of the narrator than anything else, those aspects of the piece were strong. For an open mic the rhyme scheme was shot, lol, need to end those lines in rhymes if youre writing a rap verse! The concept i dug as well, the vocab could've been stronger. I can see you've got skills and a good foundation to buidl on as a writer.

Keep posting, cheers for the rep.

[The Smarter Martyr]

Definately seemed more like poetry..but either way i still liked it.

[Jawn Raw]

this is pretty tight. it has a nice flow throughout the whole piece. the language and word choice seemed kinda boring at times but it wasn't bad. the imagery was pretty good and it helped the storyline develop throughout the piece. johnny said this seems more like a poem than an OM and I will have to agree with him on that because the flow had that poetry feel to it also with the structure too. overall this was pretty good man. nice job.