Just Somethin I made,

[poisoncypher]

Noze Bleeds for hours,
No sleep for days,
bags so heavy under my eyes
I'm in a critical stage,
The next fuckin step's the worst step I take
I now I cant go back, or reverse the wage!
Mental Distrosity Mind fucked Exhausted,
Too much time on my hands
But cant fuckn Move n lost it,
Feel no fuckin good it's now understood
why I'd kill for just one more trip ta hollywood,
But another sunrise, is what I get!
Final destinatiom, Reality? I bet!
My coke fuckin coke deala Just aint here yet,
Got the money, get'r done
-heres yo yayo now I gotta run,
See ya in a couple days now fuckin get ready
for the cany haze,
Going Clinicly insane fuckin losin my mind
but always comin up with ways
to write a better rhyme,
add some bold and italic, to spice up my lines,
Beaches, coffe shops dinner theatre and BP's
All good places for blind dates to meet, but me
I always prefer back alleys or back streets
where ever the bitch will go and get off on my meat,



I dunno it's nothin special, feed back would be aite

[143]

This is alright.... It's sound like this is intended or was for audio. A lot of people will say that the topic is played but you have good flow. There was some points where you struggled (at the end) but overall 6/10

i know this is ya second post but keep at it check some of the posting styles of other people and create your own so you can get a feel on what people are looking for. also you GOTTA POST YA LINKS or they will close this down and eventually ban you from the site..

Stay Up

Crit on this drop

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...28&postcount=1

[poisoncypher]

Thanks for the reply,, appreciate it, I'm new to posting any of my shit,,,, I try not and write much bs about shit I dont know, only things of experienced or done,, so thanks,,, I've been reading lots of other posts,,
more crits would be cool

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/newr...reply&t=390935