Letters Of Lonely. *True Stories*

[Soule]

Letters Of Lonely

Dear Aaron,

I miss you man, I miss the times we shared.
Watching movies, chilling and writing together.
Now I’m all alone, you went and grew up on me.
Got yourself a girlfriend and a job now.
Your life has stopped its turns, now soaring straight.
That’s great bro, love the fact that you’re happy.
Wish you a great life in the future, don’t let her go.
Kayla is your heart man, without her; you’ll die.
Which would kill me to watch you cry.
And I don’t think you need me, you’ll do just fine.
But I might not last, I am all alone in a world.
Which is colder then the poems you and I have written.
You have left a hole inside of my immune system.
I am cold; Sweating the cold sweat.
This pain in my chest is great.
But it'll be fine,
I miss you man.

Sincerely, Jon Dagel

Dear Mike,

Fuck you dude, where were you this whole time?
Fucking some bitches in Illinois, that you don’t even know?
You forgot you had a son, his name was Jon Dagel.
It’s cool though, because I only hate you. Which may hurt you.
Or you just may not care. It really doesn’t matter to me.
Just let me just acknowledge rap battles, all the shit you’ve done.
Before I was even born! You went and beat my momma.
At birth, you called me a fucking mistake! You retarded drunk!
All you need to know.
When I call you this summer, answer the god damn phone!
So I can tell you, man to man. You are the mistake!

Sincerely, Jon Dagel

Dear Jon,

Sorry your life is falling apart bro.
But when god comes along, you got to grow up.
People may be leaving you, breaking your heart.
But their just following the path Jesus drew for them.
I know how hard it must be to believe this, to take it in.
But you affected their lives somehow. Between life stories like,
How you and Aaron almost got eaten my a crazy dog, walking to the skate park.
To, how your father abandoned you and could never get along with his own life.
Well I got to go dude, talk to you later.
Don’t do anything you may regret, stay strong.

Sincerely, Conscious

Note To Self:

You Are Not Alone.

[Spoken]

Meh man seriously the fact this is a true story its cool man... so il leave that be and leave out the harsh criticism.

I miss you man, I miss the times we shared.
Watching movies, chilling and writing together.
Now I’m all alone, you went and grew up on me.
Got yourself a girlfriend and a job now.
Your life has stopped its turns, now soaring straight.
That’s great bro, love the fact that you’re happy.
Wish you a great life in the future, don’t let her go.
Kayla is your heart man, without her; you’ll die.
Which would kill me to watch you cry.
And I don’t think you need me, you’ll do just fine.
But I might not last, I am all alone in a world.
Which is colder then the poems you and I have written.
You have left a hole inside of my immune system.
I am cold; Sweating the cold sweat.
This pain in my chest is great.
But it'll be fine,
I miss you man.

ok this was just like straight off the words from your head man you gotta learnt hat if thats so then it will be sorta plain cus there is no flair then man... come on.. come with more metaphorical ways to come about things man.... it was a nice verse for a true story but no real imagery yet emotino is there but that was it.

Fuck you dude, where were you this whole time?
Fucking some bitches in Illinois, that you don’t even know?
You forgot you had a son, his name was Jon Dagel.
It’s cool though, because I only hate you. Which may hurt you.
Or you just may not care. It really doesn’t matter to me.
Just let me just acknowledge rap battles, all the shit you’ve done.
Before I was even born! You went and beat my momma.
At birth, you called me a fucking mistake! You retarded drunk!
All you need to know.
When I call you this summer, answer the god damn phone!
So I can tell you, man to man. You are the mistake!

dude learn to break senteces and your grammar here is kinda sketchy man proof read this shit man... make sure it makes sense aswell yes i know this is about your dad bro but no when to perion a sentence or to comma or when to punctuate shit man...

Sorry your life is falling apart bro.
But when god comes along, you got to grow up.
People may be leaving you, breaking your heart.
But their just following the path Jesus drew for them.
I know how hard it must be to believe this, to take it in.
But you affected their lives somehow. Between life stories like,
How you and Aaron almost got eaten my a crazy dog, walking to the skate park.
To, how your father abandoned you and could never get along with his own life.
Well I got to go dude, talk to you later.
Don’t do anything you may regret, stay strong.

man i cant stress it enough....just be more creative man true story yes but too plain man.

overall this was a decent read you said HOF potential...this is just like a regular piece man.. how this gonna be HOF and then you read RED ROSE REVOLVER... thats like a mis-match .. work your way around your structure stop centering it and stop putting perionds on all sentecnes man..seriously... it really needs to be broken off dude...know when to do so...

[Soule]

Aiight, thanks bro.

[Cody Nash]

it's cool that it's a true story, but just remember that your life is hardly beginning. you're still growing in the mind, and you've yet to comprehend the full meaning of loss and pain. you have many a love loss and hurt to come your way. it happens to all of us. we lose things and we gain things, there's no stopping the good or the bad from coming, just let your life play out and make the right choices. as for the writing itself, grammer wise and word choice. I think you did a bit bland on this one. It was too plain and up front to be hall of fame, only because it's such a common way of writing. there's been hundreds if not thousands of similar pieces such as this, the fact that it's true may bring out it's originality from your point of view, but in reality, the whole world and every individual in it has gone through the same shit if not worse. and just a side note, you haven't lost a friend, he's probably just got a load on his shoulders right now. as for your dad, a lot of people don't have a mom or a dad, and a lot of people have bad parents straight up, you have a great mom and dad from personal knowledge and you live with them. that's your family and nothing else. don't focus anger on so many things. anyways, it was a decent read from a truthful perspective, but as for the hall of fame, the caliber of writing rapbattles expects just won't allow me to nominate it. I still have the same respect for you though, you're still young so just remember that.

peace dude

- Nash

[Soule]

Thanks bro, I'll leave feedback on you're peice when I get home.