To See Just Before Her Death

[Britty D]

All my life I was left to sit and wonder
How life would be without a day of blunder
I learned what things looked like by the feel of it
So depressed at times I wanted to give up and quit

Having to carry a cane everywhere I would go
Bcuz the things that lyed before me were not shown
Hearing all the neighborhood kids playing outside
Left me feeling worthless without an ounce of pride

My mom enclosed me in her arms wiping away endless tears
Trying to convince me that she would always be there
I knew death would arise among all at some point in life
And being alone in this dark world left me searching for a knife

I Would sometimes ask my mom where my dad has ran off to
And She would say in a quivering voice “I don’t know boo”
That told me that he was not coming back anytime soon
And trying to find him is something my heart wont let me do

A year later on 4/19/2006 my mom suddenly became very sick
And that was when I realized she was next on heavens list
I said to my mom to go when he called because I would be fine
And this was when my life for once began to have a shine

We mysteriously received a call from a doctor concerning me
He said there was a possibility that he could give me a chance to see
When I told my mom the news she told me to believe in the plan
Next thing we knew after weeks of surgery it was all at the end

I remember the gauze being pulled away allowing me to see
Gradually more and more light began to rush all through me
The doctor said it was the light from the window glaring in
And I rushed to the room of my one and only best friend (his mom)

She was so sick at this point she could not move nor speak
I watched how the tears raced down her pale cheeks
And how her mouth twitched from trying to hold back her cry
We both knew what was soon to happen in both our lives

I held my mom close just like old times when I would cry
And told her how much I loved her and that I would be alright
I expressed to her that we had raced death far to long
And it was time to go where she belong and just like that she was gone

[Britty D]

yo talk to me give me some advice........................tell me whathca think

[Britty D]

yo talk to me give me some advice........................tell me whathca think

[Cashop]

wow... wow.... i liked it. WELL DONE!! *applause*

[Britty D]

yo talk to me give me some advice........................tell me whathca think

[Britty D]

yo talk to me give me some advice........................tell me whathca think

[kpwilsp]

I think it was good because it was simple and told a story and showed the emotion poetry should show. Next time maybe use a lil more complex vocab., but other than that it was great. I like this style of poetry the best because people can relate and emotion is evident in pieces like this. Good job, keep writing.

[RhymeSwift]

first..calm the fuck down my nigga..................i'll tell ya the truth..............ready?????????????????????aight then...............................too basic...increase yo vocab nigga.........ya aint gon get the props without the words that pop>>>>know what i mean.nice structure.but wordplay was not good here...p-e-a-c--e..................

[Britty D]

yo talk to me give me some advice........................tell me whathca think

[Ether Spitter]

this here seems to be very personal to you....as a critic...your delivery isnt very interesting...ya story is...how you convey your feelings is simplistic...elevate your rhyme scheme and creativity to enhance flow

yo

[Britty D]

yo talk to me give me some advice........................tell me whathca think

[NSP]

i liked this, because off the story line, emotion n poetry showed through, just try n keep it more complex, n also work on the emotion side off your writing, so it captivates the reader, makes me feel like its them in this position, also imagary, paint a picture in the readers mind, describe everything so they can picture it as they read, but all in all its a gd piece, kep it up

can u hit me back with sum feed on my O.M its titled "pearly gates of judgement day"
thanks