Word's DO Hurt

[Mackin']

On the verge.. heart flooded with hurt
God made words.. AND words can hurt
.
.
.
Comprehension of what i've done? Zero to none
Stripped of my only love.. Only excuse, I was drunk
Belligerant and dumb.. Alchohol's effects took control
Changed my heart to a black hole.. Frozen it cold
Crashed into the poll.. Took a life dear to me
I hope it's pleasent in heaven.. I hope your hearin' me
Wishin' you were here with me.. A horrible mistake I made
That casted shadows to my way and darkened my day's
Stuffed it with hate.. Filling my head full of regrets
Punished you with death.. For something you said
The words brought me pain.. Drove me insane
Curodded my brain.. Love for you was emotionally drained
And now I cry.. Wonderin' why? Why did I drive?
Since your death, I have a hard time and try to get by
.
.
These days I live in a cell.. In imprisonment, no visitors
Solitary Confinement, I don't deny it.. I've become bitter

["lil Neefy"]

Well, it appears we have a new poet on our hands. This was almost decent at best.

I understand it's hard to grasp a lot of what poetry is and how to write good poetry when your new, so I won't criticize too much.

1) There is no definate structure. You can do what ever the hell you want and it can come out as poetry. Which isn't something you've done wrong but I want you to know that it doesn't have to be long rhymes.
2) Poetry doesn't have to rhyme. There are different rhyme schemes, and freeverse which is, probably the most used form of poetry that you will find here on RB. You don't have to rhyme with freeverse, it's anything you want it to be. One line can be 250 words and the next 2. I'm telling you this because you seem to be in the poetry kind of mode where you're like, "Ok it rhymes and the lines are decent length but not too long.. so this must be a poem" if you catch what i'm saying.
3) Emotion, something you lacked here. Pretty self explanitory though.
4) Imagery, something that you attempted here but, with your choice of diction it was brought down. If you use more vivid vocabulary (not necessarily huge, complex words, but more descriptive ones), the better your imagery, emotion, and story line will become. You could use some work on this man.
5) The vocabulary/diction/what ever have you, I pretty much summed that one up already in #4
6) Originality, you want to be coming up with new concepts and interesting story lines. Ones such as this are quite boring because you get somebody who will do a version of this concept every week or so. Just try and do something that you haven't seen before so you can say that you were the only one to attempt it. Even if it has been done, aslong as it is not something that is constantly being done such as this topic.

That is all I can really give you man. You have a long way to go but who knows. Maybe you'll be good down the road. Keep at it man.

[Mackin']

i meant to post this in open mic. that's why it's really not poetic in any way

["lil Neefy"]

^ That's not true. OM's are poetic in ways.. it's just that most om's have longer lines that that of the poetry you'll catch around here.

[Mackin']

I know.. OM's are poetic.. but i really didn't mean it to be poetic.. it's just something i wrote when i was bored today.. i see what you mean though

[Spoken]

ok first off how can you not post this in OM and say you accidently posted this in here?!....hhmm....liar!..lmfao anyway's dude topical is sorta poetry just poetry doesnt have a percise structure and sorta flow to OM's...om's deal with rhyming while poetry speaks heavily on experience and emotion. you did mean to post this here and what i may have to say is this...you did a nice job for a first hand writer tuckkz ive seen om's from you and you have done god but you did put this in poetry for a reason...and i may have to say you did fair and decent. your content slacked from what i have seen from you before..your image/ vision you tried and attempted to draw for us slacked aswel..the topic was played for one but i thought you would come diffrent in which case your didnt...work on metaphorical twist's....it will really help you...your vocab/diction was average...learn new words use microsoft word like how i use it and trust it'll help you understand how to approach a verse diffrent and original....

keep writing man....stay up!

[Mackin']

i did mean to put this in om though.. lol

yeah.. i know, i'm rusty still.. but i put this together quick.. maybe 10 minutes? thanks for the feed though..

[Mackin']

if a mod reads this then close it.. i meant to put it in om