When we was kids *Check This*

[JaYDeE]

when we was kids..life wasn't so serious..
remember when we used to skip fifth period?
smoking spliffs on our lunchbreak gettin high
go back to school wit our bloodshot chink eyes
rollin around after school smokin blunts
we was tight as fuck.. whatever happend 2 us?
its like our mindstates changed within a day..
somehow we find ways to stray away all the pain
i can name one thing that fucked us all up..
i aint playin its the drug that we're snortin up
it all fell apart.. you can say it got intense
got shady towards each other, ya'll know the rest
still holdin grudges.. neither guards are let down
people talk shit, to feel special in this town
but i dont let it start 2 bother me by far
i dont think drugs overpowered me at all..

[Issue]

No, I wasnt feeling this man. It was pretty week for the most part, you had a nice opener but it was a played topic and I guess this was all you could do with it. The simplicity of you diction and flow shined throughout, it was as if you just said what was on your mind instead of creating an Open Mic. No imagery and emotionless, I think you need to elevate man, get your links and read the rules before your next piece also.

You opener was decent, go from there,

Good luck.

[sILLable]

had good emotion...imagery was simple but it was there...this could have been better woth more complexity..better wordplay and vocab..good imagery and emotion though..this wasnt a great piece..but ive seen worse...elevate and keep writin....check out tha link in my sig titled concrete roses..id appreciate it.~1~