Hey there!

It looks like you're enjoying Rap Battles Forum but haven't created an account yet. Why not take a minute to register for your own free account now? As a member you get free access to all of our forums and posts plus the ability to post your own messages, communicate directly with other members and much more. Register now!

Already a member? Login at the top of this page to stop seeing this message.

User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: last words

  1. #1

    last words

    Dark damp dreary nights consume my conscious
    patters of raindrops disturb my thought process
    im thoughtless in my content but remain content
    pent home alone searching for what’s significant
    traffic traverses and transposes vibrant sounds
    swirling noise from vehicles homebound surround
    lying down wind chills through an open window
    cool calms the fire, oppresses hell and lets sin go
    relax in a state of numb hanging a dried tongue
    im fetal for poisonous needles, so I succumb
    the elastic arm band strangles my weary veins
    vain in the way I prick my line inflicting pain
    distain stains my name as liquid dope infiltrates
    make no move, and wait for fates place to take
    mistakes are made and this is my worst and last
    singing out this is Joh----------(pulse went flat)

  2. #2
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Houston, Texas
    Age
    38
    Posts
    5,316
    Battle Record
    15-10
    tight piece, had a real poetic sound to it,but it had tha om sound as well, good multis, nice wordplay, nice imagery and complexity, all in all i thought this piece was ill, keep droppin tha hottness.~1~


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


  3. #3
    Anemia
    Guest
    Nice flow, structure, vocab. Imagery was off by a long shot though, at times I had to go back just to see what I just read. It was more of an abstract piece, and an excellent one...I just like to see more pieces that tell stories...just my taste.
    However for an abstract work...
    8.5/10 nice piece

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=171017

  4. #4
    i dont think you completely understood it then anemia. becuase there was a piece of imagery in almost every line. in the first two lines you already know what the weather and climate are like. there was imagery everywhere in this. i know its not great but it is pretty decent for an 8 minute key which it was. thank you for the feedback though. up

  5. #5
    Banned
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Mifflinburg, PA
    Posts
    6,693
    Battle Record
    12-1
    You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

  6. #6
    GED tha team Lil Cap0ne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    chicago
    Age
    33
    Posts
    2,330
    Battle Record
    8-8
    i liked it it was pretty good you had good structure and good vocab and for 8 min it wasnt bad just keep writing and yuo will keep elevating ill give it a 8.5/10


    keep writing and keep up good work.

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    [YOUTUBE]e5jlLl0JU04[/YOUTUBE]

  7. #7
    Na~Ledge
    Guest
    Nice spit man, wouldn't have minded it if it was a little longer but the topic was tight and u did a good job with vocab. Had a little poetic feel to it. Liked it though.

Similar Threads

  1. my Two Words
    By soberSE0ULja in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: November 12th, 2007, 05:11 PM
  2. MY Last Words
    By HU$LER in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: January 19th, 2007, 12:22 PM
  3. Words
    By Neruda II in forum Poetic Scriptures
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: July 27th, 2004, 12:46 PM
  4. Last Words.
    By Twizted Ayngel in forum Poetic Scriptures
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: July 25th, 2004, 12:43 AM
  5. A few words
    By D-Chillz in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: December 23rd, 2003, 03:39 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •