Standing By

[Vikkie™]

chorus:
Watch the trees fading by,life slowly fades
Time flies and i soon am left standing by
The wind as it belows at my door
But I am trapped in ur arms for eternity

verse1:
You push me to the boiling pot,im against the flame so my heads hot
you wonder why i stay with you...but its actually simple
its cause your truly an angel not cause of your booty or dimples
But you constantly say i'm playin foolish games when I'm not
then we get back together again but your just to hot to trot
So i get another life and stay with you again..but i cry at night
Not cause I'm a sissy but because your never in y sight
your always away and I'm here alone im my bed
But maybe youd listen more if it was a poem written in u head
But thats beyond the fact that your confused with me
i love you i even proposed to you baby
So why the long face...you gotta keep ya head up
Dont count on me when u have sunny days cuzz cold ones i tuck
I'd ask you to have my baby but quite franly your tired
It's like my lady has just been hired then re-fired
No other way to put it but i love you so much that i cant let you go
I'd die for you,in a hurricane,earthquake,or even Alaskas worst snow

[TheReinvention]

Aight.. Im gonna break it down.

You had a weak opener, and u need something that really makes everyone wanna read it. So make it more interesting, some action, or the build up of the topic. You flowed good, but your rhyme sceme was simplistic. You need to work on more complicated rhyming style. Peeps seem to like it better. I preferably dont care. Either way its all good. If you dont use the big words, make it interesting by going indepth on ya subject. Good luck on ya future open mics. Keep dropping dude. I give you a 5/10.

[Mistral]

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

[warchild]

I wasnt really feeling this, the structure was ok , but the flow and vocab was below average. There was some decent emotional lines in there but it seemed a bit corny to me but i dont really like all that lovey dovey rhymes.
Keep writing and work on the flow and you'll improve.

Return the favour.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=169972

[Vikkie™]

OMG must i explain all open mics look from the writers point of view im telling you something and the rhyme scheme comes in play when you use an actuall scheme instead of just reading it......but say what you want this wasnt for popularity it was just for the moment

[CrazyCarl]

I thought this was alright. You had some emotional parts. You might have got stuck on some rhymes, so some bars could have ended better. I thought the topic was good, although you could add a verse and go into more detail.
Return the feedback
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=168531