Fuck inspiration

[Neruda II]

so this is how it feels to have no inspiration
no longer do I flow better than lungs respiration
I just wine bout life and write pointless shit
I don’t even care if people think this is bit
I just don’t care bout life in general, no end
so why the hell am I even going to pretend
pretend that I can be some one in a world
so I just go to my bed and start a curl
Literally, I twist my thoughts in a mind
until sanity becomes impossible to find
all inspiration is lost. my soul, swallowed
by thoughts that have no life, followed....
I followed the others for a while now
how do I feel? like a jackass child now..
stupid, half retarded, and a bit insane
not so insane that thoughts don’t reach my brain
so I sit by my window and stare at the rain
get bored and look at TV, please entertain
so how the hell can I write nirvana? no harmony
I cant even stand up, fuck nirvana, no stability
oh, fuck I forgot to mention...did ya know my poems will leave you breathless?
when you read them your laughter will go till you cant breathe..ridicule, endless...

[Neruda II]

uppin, its not a long piece. just take a min to read and give feedback. i always give feedback to yall.

-GG-

[shawty"B"]

yo this one was thu shyt!!! its like every persons thoughts at one point in their life!!! its like you kno exactly how evry life goes evn if u just rite it from yo mind!!!!! i don evn hafta tell yah tah keep it up ur gud enuf!!! return tha fava... i shud have 1 up 2day

[Morbid Manner]

i liked these lines best,
" I twist my thoughts in a mind
until sanity becomes impossible to find"
your structure and ryming were good but you need to work on vocab.

return the favour
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108195

[** P.Dëƒ **]

this wasnt bad at alll..I don't understand why It hasnt got more replys? who well good piece...u kept it short and simple and still gave the observers a easy way of grasping your concept...my grade..."C"..not bad

[DaGyrlRemarqabL]

I think this is the first thing I've read from you..and I'm very impressed..the concept was very real and executed perfectly....During some lines my mind wandered away from your own personal message and I pictured myself doing the same thing, which shows how much I felt this poem and understood it I guess...This line was my favorite:

"I just don’t care bout life in general, no end
so why the hell am I even going to pretend
pretend that I can be some one in a world
so I just go to my bed and start a curl"

Very real emotions there, especially real to everyone who has ever felt like that..
I liked this, stay up and keep writing.

[Spoken]

i think this is a piece alot of ppl here can relate to one way or another, including me. you brought your thoughts with great force and wrote them out very well. your structure was simple but it worked very well for this. your emotions were strong and felt real, but it also helps to feel those emotions you've written because ive felt them for myself. i liked the way your approached this topic and it always held my interest because you didnt drag the topic out. me, i liked the ending mostly out of it all.

~Tera~
DONT HATE

check out gambling hearts or protecting a child's dream

[Neruda II]

thanx for all the feedback i didnt know wether anyone else could relate to it, but im glad and sad at the same time that they can. oh and filed, i already replied to gambling hearts, and i dont like reading poems that dont rhyme, so im sorry but i cant read protecting a childs dream, but from wat i have read, it is very good.