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Thread: aflluentz

  1. #1

    aflluentz

    ---

    the car's on fire and there's no driver at the wheel
    and the sewers are all muddied with a thousand lonely suicides
    and a dark wind blows
    the government is corrupt
    and we're on so many drugs
    with the radio on and the curtains drawn and dark

    we're trapped in the belly of this horrible machine
    and the machine is bleeding to death

    the sun has fallen down
    and the billboards are all leering
    and the flags are all dead at the top of their poles

    it went like this:

    the buildings tumbled in on themselves
    mothers clutching babies picked through the rubble
    and pulled out their hair

    the skyline was beautiful on fire
    all twisted metal stretching upwards
    everything washed in a thin orange haze

    i said: "kiss me, you're beautiful --
    these are truly the last days"

    you grabbed my hand and we fell into it like a daydream or a fever

    we woke up one morning and fell a little further down --
    for sure it's the valley of death

    ---


    Awesome.
    ---
    stay in school

  2. #2
    *Daughter of 00* DthsMissingAngel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
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    On the move
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    37
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    390
    To me this was a little strange, but then again that is me. There was a lot of imagery in this along with feeling. At first I was thinking of the Twin Towers, then I saw two people standing at a cliff or hill ready to jump and taking the leap together. I have a feeling that is wrong, but otherwise, i liked it. I will ponder on what this is about, so I may come back and see what I think later when I have more sleep. Great job otherwise. I loved it. Keep it up.

    *(`'·.¸(`'·.¸**¸.·'´)¸.·'´)*
    «´¨`·..* SwEeT PeA *..·´¨`»
    *(¸.·'´(¸.·'´**`'·.¸)`'·.¸)*

  3. #3
    MindKontrol
    Guest
    There are so many great writers on this site. You are one of them. Amazing... Theres so many perspectives you can gain from this because of its immaculate imagery. The colors you incorporated just made everything picture perfect. I'm sure aflluentz is some foreign word that defines the nature of this poem. This was a nice piece relating to how we live. I enjoyed how you distorted the billboards and the metal 2 fit your own views of how the world is today. The flags on poles dead, I take it that your saying all the people are either doomed or dead. And in the end how irony set in because you focused your love on your soul mate even though you were going 2 die. Amazing poem. Overall this was deep. I enjoyed.

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