Echelon vs. Soule (W)

[Echelon]

I decided to start the battle..

TOPIC -- WAR

DONE!!

DUe ANYTIME!!

[Soule]

70 lines? I'll drop Wednesday night

[Echelon]

Topic -- War

In the beginning of time and space, I'm erased..
Keys of time were bionic, unlocking scripts that were tectonic..
Earthquakes,, whirlwinds.. tornadoes..hurriacanes
ZILLIONS OF CALSULTIES IN THE BURNING RAIN..
I am AJ The menace.. i unlocked the doors of creation
Whores of the nation sucked my cock from the shores of a based beach
I am ECHELON.. I fucked hot woman for eons
A peon from the seas sconce..beach dog..
TILL.. I met a opponenet.. with components..
He was potent.. from the rageous oceans..
For the moment he wanted me to fight the omen
THE PLIGHT OF OCEANS, Posideon and Neptune
The trident of bread stew.. the highness of etched brew
I am king,, not you.. and I will bring the glory to my story..
WOMAN.. golden trophies.. golden keys.. golden kingdoms..
boldest sing some.. I AM SAMSON BREAKING TONGUES..
Forsaking suns.. the everlasting suns.. petro dancing suns
elctro magnet suns will never compete with attractice creatures
active features.. saddest seas churn.. I AM ECHELON..

AND AS SOON AS THE BOLDEST SING AS PASSED//
I'LL SEA THE GOLDEN KINGDOM ALAS//

For I am atrophy.. I've seen extradoniary things..
I've done war with spitting tongues..now it's time to EAT..

[Soule]

War
Chapter One
The Morning.

As the alarm sounds, my pains throb, muscle spasms turn my brain raw,
today, we launch for the space station, out the door by 0600 for take off.
The other marines pretend to be ruthless killers but it's not hard to see,
their scared and rightfully, we're headed to the vacuum for war, not peace.
We tighten our armor, check for holes, strap the belts and ready our souls,
"Well, marines, who's prepared to find our species a brand new home!?"
You see, there's a planet just beyond a black hole that's habitable but taken,
so we've been ordered to conquer and take it, by genocide or enslavement.
If we die, we'll be heroes, forgotten in time as the Earth crumbles away,
so we must not fumble today as mankind depends on our struggle to claim.
"5...4..." I mumble and pray, sweat dripping down my muscles and face,
"3...2..." we hustle to space, engines igniting the fires of trouble and faith.
As the temperature slowly declined, the hole creeped into view,
like a road with different hues, an iridescence of greens and blues.
I clinged to my seat, fingers wrapped around leather as gravity would,
we were inhaled by the worm and rapidly pulled.
And it all went dark... as a tragedy should...

War
Chapter two
The Catastrophe.

We came out the other side but our systems were fried, unable to pilot the ship,
in best case, we happen to drift towards the station or hopefully the planet.
We've enough food for a couple months so precautions were considered,
but any hope had withered when we witnessed what luck would be delivered.
A large ship approached ours, with guns the size of our vessel,
it wasn't built by any material I recognized, definitely alien metals.
A tractor beam of some sort pulled us into the machines abyss,
and there we seen the sick, twisted reality of our enemy's intent.
People being farmed, looks like doctors and scientists,
strapped to walls with tubes down their throats, I offered a silent cringe.
Followed by a violent itch, we ready our rifles and open the door,
"Jonesy, cover our six!" as we tip toe through unknown recourse.
Ready to show no remorse, we stumble across an alien corpse,
with "traitor" carved into it's flesh in a language translation almost ignored.
Part man, part fish, it's anatomy completely deformed,
something we could only describe as being an animorph.
We managed to move forward and that's when we found their colony,
millions of aliens working in perfect harmony...
when the alarm went off, we knew we were concluding this odyssey.

War
Chapter three
The battle.

Running back to our ship, the stampede behind us tightened our grips,
jonesy tripped over debris and was ripped apart by the violent mutants.
Our bullets pierced their bodies but never slowed their approach,
claws tearing through the floor with screams of incomparable notes.
The lieutenant spun around and dropped his grenade belt, ready to go,
hit the button and the blast door closed, "Semper Fi!" as he explodes.
Three Marines left, the ship nearly within reach but the horde caught up,
unscathed by the sacrifice, poisoned thorns from their spines almost shot us.
Our pilot pulled out his pistol and tried to slow them down,
but received a hundred razor sharp teeth... is this hopeless now?
Back to back, we used our machetes to try and fillet the newts,
when the horde stopped, staring at us as if to appreciate their food.
They opened a gap and that's when we seen what must've been their king,
golden scales, his sword burning bright with a stars energy.
"Fisht...demps...region?" our translator reads "are you warriors?"
Dempsey looks at me for a response but in awe I simply nod.
Before we could move, he rips through Dempsey's suit,
the blood spray so black you'd think Dempsey was a newt.
I grip my blade and prepare a defensive posture,
and begin to pray as I hope to repent this monster.
I noticed his gills flare open and so I swipe, next thing I know he's to my right,
the army of newts paralyzed by what unfolded before their eyes.
his sword at my feet, claws still wrapped below the hilt,
their king drops to his knees, blood filling inside his gills.
He falls to his death, followed by the rest kneeling in sync,

"Thisht...Sproon...Oerta!" They sing...

My translator repeats "Our new King!"

[Wuxia]

I actually enjoyed both of your guys shit. The approach is what made me continue reading. Echelon used Fantasy War and Soule used Sci-Fi War. They are two themes that I can totally get into. Echelon is a funny dude. At first it appears as if he's just trolling, but I don't think he is. I think he's just, I don't know, a very passionate writer who drops super weird verses that convey a certain kind of madness. I read his Open Mic joints from time to time and they lean me. This verse was no different. By the time he gets to


"boldest sing some.. I AM SAMSON BREAKING TONGUES..
Forsaking suns.. the everlasting suns.. petro dancing suns
elctro magnet suns will never compete with attractice creatures
active features.. saddest seas churn.. I AM ECHELON.."


I'm already caught up in his madness and the build-up just paid off for me. LMAO. The "suns" part was intense and I could picture him roaring "I AM ECHELON" by the end.


Soule's verse was phenomenal. An absolutely great story. This line had the best imagery I've seen in awhile.

"Back to back, we used our machetes to try and fillet the newts,
when the horde stopped, staring at us as if to appreciate their food."

I LOVED that. The way you organized the story and built up to the battle was just terrific. It's obvious you're on a much, much higher level than Echelon. I don't know what the line min/max was set at, but there was a huge discrepancy in what Echelon dropped compared to what you provided. As for the better, more fleshed out and complete topical, Soule took this easily.

v - Soule

[Soule]

Bump.

[Witty]

Soule won this pretty easily. Echelons verse was ok but very wooden and awkward much too often. Soule had a few hiccups too but much fewer. There were parts of the verse which anyone would be proud to have written. Overall just much better in every aspect.

Vote Soule.

[Baron Mynd]

When AJ The Menace was on, he could and would actually write, there’s older verses of his like the A Fishes Ascension one where he would actually produce something many would like - They were creative, some nice turns of phrase throughout that caught the eye and kept the interest, there was a degree of technical skill to them where you could see he knew what he was doing and definitely knows how to write. The Sinacog incarnation, especially for people who’ve known of the guy for a long period, sadly seems to have lost the dog in him these days and is more likely to produce what I presume is likely a quick keystyle done in one sitting. In terms of volume he can churn out countless verses but the quality (especially considering previous work by him) has long since declined. I didn’t really think the topic was an inspired choice here which may have let both down somewhat, but I definitely agree with both Wuxia and Witty here in terms of Soule having done a lot more with his verse. The introduction of the alien race was a nice take, but the closer especially was unexpected and gave the verse a fitting resolution while also opening up the idea of this being expanded one with a sequel or something - much like a sci-fi movie may play out actually, but yeah in terms of a contest this was pretty one-sided for me and Soule takes this with several categories going his way in terms of the creativity, originality, the character development, the believability factor of the characters involved, the terminology employed, the ending being a particular highlight for me reserved for that last line. This one was an easy win IMO, can’t really see anyone favouring the less original, creative or well written approach, lol. Vote - Soule

[Art.]

well, this is completely lopsided.

As the alarm sounds, my pains throb, muscle spasms turn my brain raw,
today, we launch for the space station, out the door by 0600 for take off.

out the jump, engages the reader and pulls them in on what to expect next. imagery n the first 2 lines alone set the trend for the rest of the verse. scheme was cool as well.

You see, there's a planet just beyond a black hole that's habitable but taken,
so we've been ordered to conquer and take it, by genocide or enslavement.
If we die, we'll be heroes, forgotten in time as the Earth crumbles away,
so we must not fumble today as mankind depends on our struggle to claim.
"5...4..." I mumble and pray, sweat dripping down my muscles and face,
"3...2..." we hustle to space, engines igniting the fires of trouble and faith.


yup these are the schemes i remember from you. smooth throughout i actually really enjoyed the dialogue gave it more of a real feel. the 5-4....3...2 i thought was super dope added anticipation.

A large ship approached ours, with guns the size of our vessel,
it wasn't built by any material I recognized, definitely alien metals.

2nd part rhyme scheme took a twist, but i enjoyed the switch up. you know my style as well i love rhyming everything but sometimes it takes away from the piece and ive been a victim of it, so here to see you slow it down a bit was cool and able to elaborate on the story and details.

3rd stanza, you have a great vocabulary hahaha. imagery again off the charts more schemes similar to the 2nd verse i thought. and wrapped it up nicely with the drop to your knees and our new king . solid work man.


Enchelon- wasnt bad just felt he wasnt as in depth. also the capitalized sentences throw me off in all of your drops to be completely honest. you actuall had a couple of cool schemes, i just felt they didnt go anywhere, sometimes felt a bit random. i did like the closer though for what its worth..

vote soule better overal piece.

[Lenox]

v/ soule for better overall piece and crisp, competent, visual writing throughout. I’m not gonna do a full breakdown echelon is either mentally ill or a troll faggot

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