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Thread: Moonlight Sonata

  1. #1
    Soule
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    Moonlight Sonata

    Delightful.
    The touch of light
    that scales her
    porcelain skin.
    Eclipsed
    just beneath
    her dollish chin.
    Stars
    spangled within
    the diameter
    of her eyes.
    The moon.
    The light.
    Collecting
    what's left
    of her draining
    life.
    Hello.
    I love you.
    Goodbye.
    A swan song
    if you may
    take this knife
    into your abdomen.
    Trade me
    conveyed breaths
    in understanding
    compliance.
    An alliance.
    Sated by
    silence.
    London
    drinks your blood
    without defiance.

    Now.
    Close
    your eyelids
    my sweet
    Elizabeth.
    An angel
    welcomed
    by God.
    Sent
    by a Jack
    of all trades
    and hearts.

  2. #2
    Princess Jonny Knows Candy's Avatar
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    Re: Moonlight Sonata

    very pretty verse of a queen..

    i loved it very poetic

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  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Re: Moonlight Sonata

    Beautiful messages through the whole thing
    deep meanings

  4. #4
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: Moonlight Sonata

    An intricate piece to say the least. You possessed proper tone through out the piece putting a emotional significance on the raw emotion you dabbled to convey with the description of both the turning of the story and the character within and the excerpt at hand. Simple yet deadly and affective. The star spangled dialect was subtle to effectiveness. It spoke volumes get stayed within the margin of the imagery wanted to be painted. The little rhyme bit too was sporadic and yet oddly satisfying.

    Good job
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  5. #5
    Cause A Fuss Truth Iscariot's Avatar
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    Re: Moonlight Sonata

    I loved how this was written. It keeps drawing you in emotionally and I thought the rhyme scheme was super dope.

    “ the diameter
    of her eyes.
    The moon.
    The light.
    Collecting
    what's left
    of her draining
    life.”

    This part I thought was particularly hard hitting and beautiful.

    The whole thing was smooth, emotionally charged, and concise though. This is dope writing.

    AI

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