inner demons

[john doe81]

i fuckin kill demons every night you heard right
my skills peakin ill speakin w/ sight beyond sight
my crew is the stronghold we tight like thundercats
cast yo ass asunder w/lightning bolts and thunder blasts
still people think they get away with evil all the time
i be like dexter when i dissect the bodies more than one time
with my lyrical scalpel i simply rap em up with skill
baggin em up is no hassle cuz baby thats how i pay the bills
so when i dump you in the ocean i cant deal with the notion
that im a criminal individual with subliminal thoughts in motion

[ILLunatic]

ATTENTION @john doe81,

This automated notification is a friendly reminder for you to provide (2) links to other member submissions that you left adequate feedback to. If you have already posted your links, disregard this notification.

[Oxymoron]

Okay. Youve just started rhyming?

All I have to say is keep writing. This was alright. Lacked some direction though, but i saw some attempts at internal rhymes. I think if youre going to rhyme without a storyline you need to strengthen up your rhymes. Imagry was not bad, just lacked a little focus. This was like a battle rhyme that wants to be topicle. With a topic like inner demons you should be spilling out some pretty raw material, but this just didnt seem too emotional to me. Its lacking emotion i think. Which, could be what your inner demons are, lack of emotion. But i think you need to get a little more thoughtful with your descriptions.

Also i personally dont like how you wrote w/ for with.

So i say keep writing, pick a concept and write abou tit.

stay up.

[OG Maestro]

That said, the white guy above me has some good advice.

I second the motion whereas the white guy would like to see John Doe81 pick a concept & write about it.
That's a good start for you to start writing on deeper levels than just writing for the sake of it. Or writing with no direction, rather.

ok.

*thumbs up*