Ay wow my homie readin' this shit was so fucking cool mayne, it inspired me to randomly write shit lol.. i loved it keep it up mayne , the flow and rhymin were off the hook . everything was perfect in this verse mayne. good job
Ay wow my homie readin' this shit was so fucking cool mayne, it inspired me to randomly write shit lol.. i loved it keep it up mayne , the flow and rhymin were off the hook . everything was perfect in this verse mayne. good job
I disagree with Mic S, I think the section he pointed out was your weakest, tbh. That section of rhymes is lopsided/ not clean multis or slant rhymes. The section Emily quoted was much better. I like how your flow isn't just end rhyme to end rhyme, and your wording is definitely above average. You have a good feel for rhyme schemes. You maintain a good dialogue with the reader and don't get lost in the intricacies of your own writing. Some of your ideas/ concepts are needlessly wordy, like your opening 4 lines... Feel like you could've said that in two lines or less. It was easy to read though which is always a plus. Keep keyin
I only stop by to look through you.
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Originally Posted by Baxter D. Wall
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thank you everyone, just checked back to see all of ur feed and i appreciate all ur time feeding back.
W a r r i o r O f L i g h t
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Lol. This was entertaining, I didnt know you could talk about fire so much haha. I liked almost all of this except for the blazing corn part it was... well corny, no pun intended. I think it just stood out against the cadence you already developed. Other than that the writing was good, iwish you touched more of the affects of fire as welll as just outcome(I.e. melting flesh, singing clothes, ash clouds ect) just a little descriptiveness goes a long way in making someone remeber your piece. This was very good as it was though. Props
thanks for the feed bro. i received this topic in a topical tourney and my opponent no showed so i wanted to get some feed from it so it would be a waste. im happy with the feedback so far. this was a reallllly quickly typed piece, each line was typed very fast, and very minimal read overs and edits, thus giving it a rapid fire flow with multies since it was almost like a keystyle but with a little bit more care and effort lol. thanks narrator for ur time buddy.
W a r r i o r O f L i g h t
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Originally Posted by Illustrious.
Lol makes more sense now haha. Peep my soldier's only piece if you get time, and im the kind of guy that if you tag me in a post ill almost always feed it so when you drop a piece you take more time on tag me and ill feed it. Peace
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