Conspiracy Shit

[PatricBernier]

All is propaganda, government santa
Coal in my wallet and theres no one here to answa
Money gets paid when the government shutdown...
"Bdddd" with an ak, yeah bitch im bout to rundown,
DC and *bang bang* what now?
Private parties on your yacht ,
From sunset to sundown
All it is-is politics, my Molotov wont run out
Act like a rebel...pull your fuckin gun out!
Machete if you run out, -Sierra Leonne
My bouncing betty is confetti, yeah drones get blown
Research everything that you think you are told

The matter is to take matters in, your own hands
God made us all, independent, Im my own man
Im a young man and I act like a old man,
Woah man.. these theories never get old man

Catastraphies, global issues and shit,
Looking at the news like "Fuck these missles and shit!"
The senates intention is getting a pension--way past eccentric, oh did i mention?

Theres no power to the people, everything is evil
Livin in a prison and not everybodies equal....................






http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...46#post8510846
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...5-Monkey-Magic

[OG Maestro]

Damn my dude, you got rhythm and rhymes in that shit.

Thing is, without that being translated to an aesthetically pleasing version -- most people might OVERLOOK the content due to how you have it structured.

A lot of people try to downplay structure.

If you choose to go online and share your verses, we're reading lyrics.
We don't know your style of flow. We don't know your style of delivery.
Which means, you have to give us a natural structure to read off of.

One part I liked was this,

money gets paid when the government shutdown...
bdddd with an ak, yeah bitch im bout to rundown, dc and bang bang what now?
private parties on your yacht ,from sunset to sundown
all it is-is politics, my molotav wont run out, act like a rebel..pull your fuckin gun out
machete if you run out, sierra leonne. my bouncin betty is confetti, ya drones get blown
research everything that you think u are told

Let's make it 'aesthetically' pleasing. Something that is easily read, in literature means.

Money gets paid when the government shutdown...
Bdddd with an AK, yeah bitch I'm bout to rundown -
DC and **bang bang**, what now?
Private parties on your yacht,
From sunset to sundown
All it is-is politics, my Molotov won't run out,
Act like a rebel...pull your fuckin' gun out
Machete if you run out, Sierra Leone
My Bouncin' Betty is confetti, ya drones get blown
Research everything that you think you are told

^This is just MY OWN quick version of what I meant by structure. You don't have to do anything like this.
I just wanted to give you an example.

You're smart my dude. Real smart. Down to the government shutdown and the "research everything that you think you are told". I like how you wrote this, the message you included. I just want to see it in a better structure so it reads without a problem.

Thanks for sharing.

[PatricBernier]

Damn my dude, you got rhythm and rhymes in that shit.

Thing is, without that being translated to an aesthetically pleasing version -- most people might OVERLOOK the content due to how you have it structured.

A lot of people try to downplay structure.

If you choose to go online and share your verses, we're reading lyrics.
We don't know your style of flow. We don't know your style of delivery.
Which means, you have to give us a natural structure to read off of.

One part I liked was this,



Let's make it 'aesthetically' pleasing. Something that is easily read, in literature means.



^This is just MY OWN quick version of what I meant by structure. You don't have to do anything like this.
I just wanted to give you an example.

You're smart my dude. Real smart. Down to the government shutdown and the "research everything that you think you are told". I like how you wrote this, the message you included. I just want to see it in a better structure so it reads without a problem.

Thanks for sharing.

Thanks a lot for taking your time disecting it. I really apreciate you showing me the example, ill change it up real quick.

[PatricBernier]

bump!!!!

[Emily]

PatricBernier, you have a flow that is divine, happening all over this piece.
I read it out loud and nothing really stood out bar that beautiful melodical flow
that oozed from start to finish.
The content was really good.
You had that rough stuff happening with the wording and it sounded authentic.
Also, your rhymes were impressive.

Not easy to repeat ideas, and pull it off, but I think you did with this bit.

"The matter is to take matters in, your own hands
God made us all, independent, Im my own man
Im a young man and I act like a old man,
Woah man.. these theories never get old man"

It goes full circle for me. I like the way you put it.

All is propaganda, government santa--------------Nice opening. Very nice.


I really like what you wrote in this piece, but my favourite is the ending.
I reckon this ending rocks.

"The senates intention is getting a pension--way past eccentric, oh did i mention?

Theres no power to the people, everything is evil
Livin in a prison and not everybodies equal...................."


You got it PatricBernier.

Keep dropping, I like your style.

[PatricBernier]

PatricBernier, you have a flow that is divine, happening all over this piece.
I read it out loud and nothing really stood out bar that beautiful melodical flow
that oozed from start to finish.
The content was really good.
You had that rough stuff happening with the wording and it sounded authentic.
Also, your rhymes were impressive.

Not easy to repeat ideas, and pull it off, but I think you did with this bit.

"The matter is to take matters in, your own hands
God made us all, independent, Im my own man
Im a young man and I act like a old man,
Woah man.. these theories never get old man"

It goes full circle for me. I like the way you put it.

All is propaganda, government santa--------------Nice opening. Very nice.


I really like what you wrote in this piece, but my favourite is the ending.
I reckon this ending rocks.

"The senates intention is getting a pension--way past eccentric, oh did i mention?

Theres no power to the people, everything is evil
Livin in a prison and not everybodies equal...................."


You got it PatricBernier.

Keep dropping, I like your style.

Thank you so much. This is the most love ive ever gotten on the internet! thanks alot

[PatricBernier]

Please check me out

[zonez]

I see what you mean in saying our styles are similar, short and to the point. I freaking love this piece, very dramatic and witty.
My favorite lines;

Money gets paid when the government shutdown...

All it is-is politics, my Molotov wont run out

Machete if you run out, -Sierra Leonne
My bouncing betty is confetti, yeah drones get blown

The matter is to take matters in, your own hands
God made us all, independent, Im my own man
Im a young man and I act like a old man,
Woah man.. these theories never get old man

Looking at the news like "Fuck these missles and shit!"
The senates intention is getting a pension--way past eccentric, oh did i mention?

Theres no power to the people, everything is evil
Livin in a prison and not everybodies equal....................

So yeah pretty much every line was gold in my opinion. I'm not big into violence more like Ghandi but if had to make a choice to fight the government or run, I'm taking the, motha's out. Read well to me as I write like this sometimes, but as Professor said not everyone will know your style so work on making it 'prettier' for the reader. Keep posting looking forward to more from you.

[Narrator]

Im really glad you toom frost's advice on the formatting because honestly im lazy as fuck and probably wouldn't have wanted to disect this and turned away. You have to remember this is text and periods, comma's, structure.. all of these things are for the audience (your reader's) and pleasing them is the key to getting love and advice from different reader's and I think it's the fact you were chill enough to respond the way you did by switching it up is the reason I decided to leave feed. That show's a williwillingness to improve. As far as your content I think it was very good and the flow was almost perfect. I know in audio things sound different and you want to reflect that in text but things like writing answa comes off corny in text. Im fine with the santa answer rhyme anyways im just says I kind of rolled my eyes in a chuckling way when I read that. Besides that and a couple other parts where altered wording would have helped this was a very nice piece. Keep dropping

[PatricBernier]

I see what you mean in saying our styles are similar, short and to the point. I freaking love this piece, very dramatic and witty.
My favorite lines;


So yeah pretty much every line was gold in my opinion. I'm not big into violence more like Ghandi but if had to make a choice to fight the government or run, I'm taking the, motha's out. Read well to me as I write like this sometimes, but as Professor said not everyone will know your style so work on making it 'prettier' for the reader. Keep posting looking forward to more from you.

Hell yeah thank you

[PatricBernier]

Im really glad you toom frost's advice on the formatting because honestly im lazy as fuck and probably wouldn't have wanted to disect this and turned away. You have to remember this is text and periods, comma's, structure.. all of these things are for the audience (your reader's) and pleasing them is the key to getting love and advice from different reader's and I think it's the fact you were chill enough to respond the way you did by switching it up is the reason I decided to leave feed. That show's a williwillingness to improve. As far as your content I think it was very good and the flow was almost perfect. I know in audio things sound different and you want to reflect that in text but things like writing answa comes off corny in text. Im fine with the santa answer rhyme anyways im just says I kind of rolled my eyes in a chuckling way when I read that. Besides that and a couple other parts where altered wording would have helped this was a very nice piece. Keep dropping

Thanks much!