Because if you can't laugh at yourself, how can you feel you have the right to laugh at others? I'm going to laugh at me, come laugh at me with me.
Now, comedy is old as sin. Some might even argue that the story of original sin is actually an ancient comedic joke. But that would imply that Moses was a terrible comedian. Personally, I'm more of a fan of Jesus. If you read "Render unto Caesar" without stopping to appreciate it's comedic brilliance hidden within it's wisdom, then that's just sad. But while comedy is old, the internet is new. Comedy has rules, and putting comedy on the internet, new rules had to be made. One of those rules is, "Don't put the punchline in the title."
Well, rules are meant to be broken. But you got to know them first. I know them, I'm breaking them. I put the punchline in the title. But it's cool though, because this is a brick joke. Brick jokes are my favorite. So, on with the joke:
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Sometimes people question me when I tell them I'm black. It's actually really sad and self-deprecating. It's something that I and others of questionable ethnicities have experienced many times. A simple, but incredibly fucking rude, line of questioning...
What country are you from?
Uh... America.
No, I mean, what's your nationality?
Fuckin' American.
I mean, what race are you?
Bitch, I'm human.
It's funny, I like to drag it out as long as I can in hopes of getting across the point that the person asking is being rude. Now, don't get me wrong, it's not rude to ask people's ethnicity in of itself. It's just rude when somebody walks up to you out of nowhere and stares at you, then doesn't even bother to smile or say hello or anything, and then starts grilling you. That's rude. That's fucked up. What the hell?
Sometimes it's not always like that. Often enough it's a casual enough setting, or I know the person well enough, that it's no big deal to ask. I tell them a lot of things, often BS. I'm half zombie, half ninja. Something stupid like that. But then if I'm serious, sometimes people don't believe me.
I say I'm part Irish, part Samoan, and part black. Usually... nobody questions me. Because that's all it is, it isn't a thing. Sometimes though, people say, "No you're not." What the hell? As if you'd know better? Where do you think this glorious natural afro comes from? You think the Emerald Isle is just overflowing with nappy headed drunken ninjas?
Sometimes, people ask me to prove I'm black. Funny enough, it's never the Samoan part that gets to people. They'll say Samoans are supposed to be big and fat, right? So I say, "I take after my dad." Which is true. But it's always the black part that gets to people when they do question me. I don't get it. How does one prove one's ethnicity? African Diaspora hit me hard. It hit me hard because it hit my parents hard, and it hit their respective parents hard. Which means I don't have pictures of them. In fact, I don't have pictures of myself. A couple from when I lived with my mother, that I hadn't seen until I was an adult. But that was it for me growing up. So in order to prove myself, I make jokes.
I like jokes, jokes are funny and funny makes me laugh. If I'm laughing, I aint crying. Believe me, I got plenty to cry about. I'm a regular cry baby. I cry because the jokes I make actually hurt.
I'm black because...
I smoke menthol cigarettes. Which I do.
I can't swim, I just sink. Which is true.
I love fried chicken. Everybody does.
I never knew my dad. Which is sad.
I speak in tongues. But only in a black church.
I have a large penis. I have a huge gigantic fucking dick.
I mean, I'm white as well, don't get it twisted. I have no ass, I can't dance, and I grew up in a trailer park. That's pretty darn white. But...
I'm black because...
I know every word of every Public Enemy song.
I've read the works of Alice Walker.
I can identify racism in both it's passive and active forms.
I recognize fetishization and what is wrong with it.
I know what is going on in Israel.
Because afrofuturism is important to me.
Because a lot of things. Not the least of which, because I am.
Look at Bob Marley. I use him as the best example because I'd be darned if someone here doesn't know what Bob Marley looks like. And I know we all know his mother was of color and his father was not. (If you didn't, now you know.) But look at him. Nobody ever says he's white. Now look at me. I'm just exactly as white and as colored as he is, so what am I? What makes him black, and me white? What specific mechanations make that occur? Don't say skin color now... that's a trick. Because look at Mariah Carrey. Same thing, she's biracial. But everyone says she's black, nobody says she's white. Why her, not me?
You can make fun of me, that's cool, you can clown me. Just don't forget I'm a clown. This is my job. Your laughter, at my expense. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt though. That's the goal of all clowning, is to make everyone stop laughing because you can't laugh when you have empathy for someone. But you can't have empathy for someone if they're darker than you or if they seem strange to you. If I was writing a cracked.com article, then this is where I would link to such studies to demonstrate such a thing. But I'd hardly wish to insult your intelligence because I know well enough to know that you're quite familiar of the dehumanization of those with darker skin.
I know, I know. You're all trying to point out I have light skin. Which means I don't suffer the same, do I? It's actually quite the privilege, one of the few I have. I can pass for a man, but that doesn't give me male privilege, just passing privilege. Just like I can pass for straight should I ever find myself in a relationship with a woman, but that doesn't bestow upon me straight privilege. But I don't have white privilege. I have light skin privilege. I'm a house negro. That's where it stems from y'know... the house negro is light, the field negro is dark. White slave owners, being imperialistic at heart, push such ideology onto others, especially their slaves. And if you think it's a thing of the past, then you obviously are not paying attention. Globally and in our nation, there is this idea that is perpetuated that light skin is better. There are a number of studies that demonstrate people have these attitudes. Culture happens to be a big influence, and if anyone hasn't noticed, by both media and military, American culture is rather world wide. The same culture that is still satisfied with a stereotypical token character in it's media.
I'm black, because I'm aware.
I'm getting off topic, the topic is me. I love me. Even if it makes others uncomfortable, I will love who I am. And I am black.
But you say I'm not, don't you?
Oh? You wanna play that game?
You want I should prove I'm black?
Mother fucker... look at me:
Wow. That is one huge gigantic ass African hair I got on my head. But golly, what a pale face is that. That face is so pale... Native Americans die from diseases just from looking at me I'm so fucking pale. It's almost like I haven't seen the sun in years... oh look, I forgot to blur out my name.
What's my name? What's my name, bitch?!
Steven Nika. Nika... is my middle name. Say it out loud. It's ok, no one's listening. Does it somehow feel... wrong? Nah, it's a name, you can totally say it. Just don't pronounce it "Nee-ka." It's Nika. But what does it mean?
Already got you covered, I looked it up for you:
http://en.glosbe.com/haw/en/nika
...
Nigger. My middle name is Nigger.
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Originally Posted by Prince Vegeta
