Rules and Regulations
Please note the due times in the rules. Be on time, and as always, good luck!
Rules and Regulations
Please note the due times in the rules. Be on time, and as always, good luck!
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
Last edited by Art.; June 14th, 2011 at 12:55 AM
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
hello there.
I must break you.
<3
Wu-Tang Forever
Nothing Was The Same
Caught in Between
Deep in the distance I'm, scared, keeping my vision blind.
Need just a little time, to start seeing the finish line.
Stuck in the middle I'm, nervous to follow this direction,
such a model of perfection, but I'm swallowed by depression.
I bottle this agression, but its hard on my own.
I see part of the milestone, but its in the darkest horizon zone.
And now that I'm alone, i feel too scared to take a chance,
risk and make a plan, meet success and shake its hand.
Heart racing fast, feeling like I might just take it all,
but with one mistake or fall, that could quickly change it all.
so i take a break and stall, and thats when i second guess,
remain forever stressed,cause' failure is something I'l never get.
But i can pass every test, so running is a cheap escape.
Only in a dreaming state, do i find courage to take a leap of faith.
Nerves struggle to keep in place, my mind is caught inbetween,
all these fradulent schemes, and what really belongs in my dreams.
And all of this seems, real so my mind can't fathom whats true,
or grasp what to do, honestly, i truly dont have a clue.
So i continue to battle through, and i feel as if i can see the road,
hope to reach my goals, and just see where this freedom goes...
If I succeed...
I would be free to roam. Speak and voice my mind
Not dissapoint or whine, and i know the choice is mine.
Still annoyed at times, but it wouldnt hold me under now
i can already hear another sound, a sigh because my mothers proud....
I wonder now....If i Fail...
What if I failed, would i just say fuck it and bail?
or feel like im stuck in a cell, in a dugeon in hell.
Stuck in a jail, trapped, fear is whats surrounding me.
Depression pounding see, tears almost drowning me.
But turn it around and see, theres another reality,
cause i rather be brave and find out how these chapters read.
the truth is actually, if you dont take a chance to try and grow
chances are you'll die alone, and you'll never reach your milestone.
Do I cry? or do i voice my mind.
To decide is key, and the choice is mine.
Choose Wisely.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
http://i52.tinypic.com/29wk00w.png
Inside My Lost Articles
the day the ink dries, I'll be reaching something beyond this
but for those reading my pieces, keep your thesis decent and be honest
if calamity danced with death, would you have to wait and prepare?
cause fakers don't care and I'm just making sure that you're grading me fair
I was raised on a prayer, shit, I never got through being shunned
never learned to shadow-box, but my shadow always threw me in one
and I was left in his spite, stepped in feeling destined to write
I crept in, accepted a fight and came out swinging to the best of my might
I was questioned, in light of this, I've been portrayed as a beast
and I'm okay with defeat, but I won't stand for being labeled as weak
this rage didn't cease, hours passed while the pages increased
cages beseeched this prison, I was confined by the stages of "ME"
it's plain as can be, stuck inside a shadow that I wait to release
but this war is stuck hiding within the margins while tainting my speech
explaining the freedom? I have none and the example's a ghost
I have ample time, but then HE drops and I get trampled the most
it's like my castle got destroyed, whether it's in sand or thought
the idea of it gets misconstrued like I'm not destined for this Camelot
standing atop mountains, but my peak hasn't reached his average
when he speaks, it's savage; my simple cuts can't compete with damage
a dream is magic, cloaking fear with a tear that weeps so tragic
but the art I seem to manage only seeks advantage on a weaker canvas
people panic, I take it in stride, but still find the emptiest words
connecting verbs to sounds of nothing, so everytime it's ending absurd
forget what you've heard from me, this is more than complaints
I'm just being realer than I've ever been...I've explored my mistakes
it takes more than you think, a win is CAUSE and EFFECT of a loss
but I'm expecting applause every single time that I invest in my drops
directing the toss-up victories and I've inspected them roughly
everybody has something to say, your vote never sits a level above me
and love me or hate me, this is the escape that I've known
cause I was following Brandon's footsteps...now I'm making my own
Last edited by Mariah; June 13th, 2011 at 05:44 AM
Wu-Tang Forever
Nothing Was The Same
Marvelous: I really liked this piece, it had good emotion and imagery. It was worded very well with at most one or two spots that I stumbled over as I read aloud. What I liked the most, was also the strongest feature in this piece, in my opinion, was your rhyme scheme. Strong, consistent multis and a bunch of internals in this piece and nothing felt forced. I rather liked this piece.
Mariah: This was a really enjoyable piece as well, strong rhyme scheme that I enjoyed, but I felt Marvelous' was a bit better. But, it did have great internals and multis which produced a flow which was on point. The emotion and imagery were good in this piece. Nothing in this piece felt forced, everything was smooth and natural.
Vote: So this battle was really good, both of these pieces were exceptional and enjoyable. It's a tough call mechanically but I'm going to with the piece that I connected with better, which also had the stronger rhyme scheme which didn't hinder the content.
Marvelous
Last edited by trajik; June 13th, 2011 at 09:15 AM
infektedpenz
Real nice battle here, both had great verses.. I'm gonna say Marv got this one though, mainly because I enjoyed his verse a bit better, liked how it was set up, specially with the "if i succeed" and "if i fail" part, was creative and kept the read entertaining, Mariah.. you had a dope use of multis and flow as well, its just your story overall didnt interest me as much as Marv's, really is the only thing that set these apart at all for me, because both had a really nice use of multis/flow, couple spots here n there that coulda been better but was next to nothing, overall a couple really nice verses, one just interested me more..
VOTE: MARVELOUS
First of all, to Gwapfather, don't freepost in here anymore. I'll continue to delete your posts, PM me if you've got something to say to me, I said "new" because I can guarantee you didn't know Mariah is my sister and that she has always been criticized for not being as good as me, that's what her piece is about. It's a vulnerable piece - but I will note that I've voted against her many times in the past. Now, on that note, Marvelous, you've done a lot better with the content since you battled me, and I was impressed with the elevation on your part this week man. Your schemes are still a little audio-ish, but you've done well to make it fit your style, so I can't front on you here. Content, like I mentioned, much better than previous weeks, though I still feel like it's lacking detail and build-up in some areas, overall though - I appreciate this drop, it's niceness. Mariah, thanks for making me feel like it's my fault that you never win shit lol. I feel like you went in detail with it being a bit personal to you and I'm always interested in real life experience shit, people who know my music or topicals know I excel in that area, but I really like the vulnerability of this drop. You came out and said what you felt, though maybe some people don't feel the emotion, I think they also don't know the meaning behind this piece either. It's always based on opinion and preference, Gwap and Trajik thought one thing, knowing what I know about you, I think another. This is a great battle, I'd nominate it for BotW honestly, but in the end, it's based on what I preferred. Great drops, strong as fuck match, personal shit done well always gets me though. Marv, you did dope, don't take it as hate in anyway. Props bro!
v/Mariah
Last edited by Brandon Cee; June 13th, 2011 at 01:49 PM
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
Marv, impressive write bud. But there were some downsides inside your verse. One being, you had a few awkward pauses toward the beginning that seemed to force -- or even hold back the flow. But after the 2-3 bad pauses were passed. The flow and rhyme scheme was pretty dope most of the first stanza. But after awhile it seemed to get lazy compared to the previous lines. The second stanza was pretty good, talking about success. But the ones after failure seemed completely under developed and thrown in just to end the piece. This entire read has such potential my dude. But seems like either you lost the grasp of your own concept. You lost interest. Or you just got lazy.
Mariah, awesome drop! The flow was on point the entire read and there were a few lines that actually made me smile and think 'I should sig that shit'. This is quite possibly my new favorite piece from you. The wording was smooth the entire piece. Concept was dope as hell imo. Not Einstein creative. But original and fresh. I can't see anything to nitpick at personally. Dope drop.
Vote Mariah, better piece imo.
Don't erase this comment Brandon, it has to do with feedback as well, but if someone doesnt get the message across compeletly, thats on the writer, not the reader (most the time, depending on the IQ of the reader ha), not to take away from Mariah at all, it just seemed that given the picture she was workin with and the title of the piece, it didnt all fit together, having the dopest flow/multis/vocab can only go so far for me, you rb vets seem to have a one way street with things on here (no hate), I want the story that entertains me the most, not the one that particularly has the most outrageous multis/vocab/etc.. but I do agree this is the best topical battle ive read on here, only been on for a couple months but word.. props to both once again, 1..
Marvelous - I definitely related to your piece more. Your first verse had me thinking how it would fit in with the title, which is good, so i had an idea where it was going. You added the if i succeed and if i fail parts which bumped your drop up so much more. Creativity was there in terms of concept. Pretty simple rhyme scheme, but it flowed nicely in my read. I feel like you kind of fell off a bit at the end but you ended the piece really well. I definitely agree with the message of this piece as well.
Mariah - Very personal piece. At first i thought this was a battle of you vs you and then i realized someone else was involved. I didnt know who this "HE" was until the end and even then i didnt realize that the "brandon" was well...brandon lol. Though i related to the other piece more, i felt more connected to yours. I like this idea of an "inner" battle as well as a battle "behind the scenes". Very good imagery, and though you made this very personal there is a lot of "swag" behind this piece.
Vote - As i said I related to Marvelous' piece more but felt more connected to Mariah's. And thats all on you for making me connected to it. Vote to Mariah
Marv - a well developed piece..I found the first to be the most effective, the second really brought and put a little spark to it as well. As far as flow and rhymin goes I thought it was awesome for the most part. I found the part on success to be effective in moving the piece across... all in all i think you did well here.
Mariah - definitely lived up to expectations with your piece. It was heavy with emotion, good flow, nice vocab, sick rhyme scheme and a nice creative edge put into it. Content wise i think this excelled and right now is probably one of my favourite verses so far. Good stuff.
Although i thought Marv came strong with his verse...I gotta say Mariah just did it with her verse...it was dope.
V/ Mariah
edit: oops, double post. my bad.
Last edited by Vinzr; June 14th, 2011 at 12:59 AM
Marvelous - Damn near perfect drop here man. I thought you murdered the topic & wrote about if perfectly. I was really feeling how you set up your verse, with the two different options at the end & then your decision. The very last line was the icing on the cake, too. The multies stayed consistent, and the flow didn't fall off. The vocab choice was pretty good, nothing amazing but enough to carry this verse. One thing, try avoid rhyming the same words, I know it's the only way some times, and you don't want to be forcing rhymes in, but if you can avoid doing it, try do so. Apart from that minor flaw I thought this was a great effort.
Mariah - Wow, another dope verse. The first I've read from you and I'm impressed. Really good multies throughout and an interesting concept, about as original as they come. The vocab was spot on too, well done. As for the verse itself there were really no slip ups. I have one big problem though, this verse doesn't really go with the picture at all. I feel like your chosen concept, although dope, is a huge stretch. What's the point of having weekly topics if you're not going to follow them, feel me? I really enjoyed the piece, but I don't see what your story has to do with this kid reading a book. Inside my lost articles is the title, and it suits, but unfortunately I feel you didn't follow the specified topics this week and tried to use the most relevant pic, but to me it aint' working.
V - Marv. Honestly had Mariahs verse followed a given topic this week she would have gotten my vote (not by much, cause marv dropped well) but I feel like she stretched too far from her chosen pic, and that takes a few marks off her verse.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
I'm gonna go ahead and disagree on the reasoning for your vote, though I don't deny it was close. You're taking the topic WAYYYY too literally in my mind Bongkers. I think hers was actually pretty good. She is a girl and that looks like a little girl feeling overwhelmed by something. It fit the concept in my opinion. But that's my opinion as noted. It's all good though. Anyhow, Marv, yours was on point man...solid flow throughout, decent schemes, though they mainly seemed basic and you brought it this week...way to prove you belong here man, it's nice work you got going here. Honestly, you got unlucky having to battle Mariah this week, you could have beaten a lot of folks this week in my opinion (shit probably even me)...but I'm not sure that you did enough this time bud. Mariah, what I love about this piece the most is the raw feeling and emotion you present here. It's really good to see you write from a place of comfortability in my opinion. Good concept, really fresh actually, I enjoyed reading some niceness in the lines too, you've got some great lines this piece here. Great battle guys, hard choice, but I got Mariah here.
v/Mariah
Posting Rules
