Round 1: YDK vs Baron P. Mortuus - Mortuus Wins

[Cody Nash]

Playoff Rules:


Check ins are due Wednesdays, Verses are Due Fridays.
Extensions are acceptable ONLY if your opponent agrees..
Line Limit is 80... Minimum of 30.


You must have 4 voting links...
VOTING LINKS ARE REQUIRED IN YOUR CHECK-INS.
If you fail to vote, you will be deducted 2 votes per missing link..
This means not voting could also mean you losing your match.


If you have a problem with your opponents verse, an opponent
swaying in your battle, or any sort of cheating..
Bring the issue directly to FreshADiddle or I via PM.
PLEASE DO NOT FREEPOST.


That said.. have fun. Topics will be supplied for each round.

[P. Mortuus]

I got in? lol. Goodluck man.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...213/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...209/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...210/index.html

[P. Mortuus]

Raw & Uncut

2016

The walls they speak and their words are cutting
my wrists ribbons and cheeks too red to be blushing
It’s almost black; kind of like my thoughts were
way back when I fought her and lost control or sort of
it wasn’t like I didn’t deserve it- I sat reflective and frowned
my reflection was rotten and my eyes? Tears of a clown.

So cliché it’s like I’m writing some overemotional fiction
burn my words... shit, our arguments will provide the friction
I’ll be honest it’s good that we worked past it-grinding
because the pasts shit, and if we looked back it’s blinding
Bonds are binding, but I’ve grown not to mind them
I love you enough not to hide it & enough not to be reminded
Of every retort that you thought was brilliant when we fought
Way your face contorted as you sought to cross my naught
You loved to drive the point home; but speeding meant it didn’t park
each word crashed and my eyes dark- lit a smoke from a light spark
you couldn’t face me- defaced walked past hastily back to hausen
Each face a phase and darling, you had a touch above a thousand
Can’t take it anymore, slumping to the floor I let the gun run
each step was deadly, and each memory became a distant one.

2010
Medusa stone stare and your wings a kink fare
my mind in a kinked affair inked to think you cared
your lies in abundance- truth in the lost and found
I searched deep but it cost some tounge and crown
you couldn’t ever see me or see the things clearly
and I binged dearly on bottles of bitch juice yearly
till I began to doubt me- I began to shroud me
I began to shout till I couldn’t speak loudly
I’d whisper in the bed- I whisper in my head
slight cannibal I eat sheep and slept while they bled
And I doubt you’d remember me, nah we weren’t so close
I was a hose that poured and you a bucket in a sexy pose
With this I’ll kill myself, this world it’s too cruel
Spitting blue I cut my wrist to release the pain fuel.

So Class, what did you think of that poem?
It seemed a little cliché so to speak and a tad slow and
I think the poet was unoriginal- not really inspired it appears.
Poet? This rap shit is hard shit teach, fuck his woe and tears
When I rap I talk about hoes and guns and clothes and fun
money over bitches- shit that “poet” was a pussy
And I’d get that to while they suck it callin me P. Juicy!
Eh Paddy, have you got any real views on that piece?
“Yeah it sucks blood, and you ain’t seen no piece
Glock teach; I got that on lock to B.

Paddy wrote the first 2 verses of this drop before he died.

[Gabriel570]

P. Mortuus-piece was decent, overall i thougth the concept was strong but it could of been delivered better but overall it was well polished overall..i felt like you started off strong but i noticed you fell off towards the end...despite that still a decent drop

kuhn-very personal and the emotion was there...but you could of worked better on the rhyme schemes..some lines were too simple and straight forward..the imagery was there but i felt like you could of done a lot of thing to make this piece more creative...overall the story structure was there and the emotions were strong but you lacked a lot on the technical part

overall-I would have to go with P. Mortuus, His piece was more well structured and the rhyme schemes were stronger

vote- P Mortuus

[Atlas329]

Mortuus: Well there were some really nice lines here. The imagery and wordplay was really great in some places. like: "You loved to drive the point home; but speeding meant it didn’t park/ each word crashed and my eyes dark." that part was really dope. overall i think the flow worked, even if the rhyme schemes weren't great. i have mixed feelings about the ending, but it definitely has depth and i think a lot of rappers can relate to that change in mindset.

Kuhn: This was pretty straightforward. A story drop that was very emotional and progressed steadily. It flowed nice, but also had simple rhyme schemes. in the end i think it was a little too simple. mostly in terms of rhyme scheme and wording and such.

v/ Mortuus

[Silk Sky]

ydk- I love the simplicity in this verse...its just straight raw storytelling, no frills no fluff, and to me it makes it really emotional. I was actually touched by the story and it was written very smoothly.

mort- This was a cool story too, but for me it wasn't quite as believable, the dialogue was okay, but a little static. I do like the twist at the end, that was well executed.

vote- YDK for a more engaging piece. imo a good story doesnt have to be complex to draw a reader in.

[soulstice.]

YDK - Man fuck that's a twisted way to die - unfortunately the shock value comes from the real life connection which you didnt manufacture with your writing. This reminds me of Noodle's piece in the finals last year - "fuck.. i still cry when i remember" just isn't good writing to me. For others, pure, raw, uncut emotion may strike a chord but I prefer an atmosphere being shown to me and imagery guiding the way. Just from a strictly writing standpoint of course. Sorry for your loss and the pain the memory puts for you, but at least you have the rest of the memories to dull the pain. That said - this WAS emotional and you wrote a heartfelt piece about your dude.. some actual devices weren't implemented well though and thats where I felt you fell... from a strictly writing standpoint I repeat.

Baron - I hate voting on your battles because I just can't get into your flow.. no dig, just me personally, can't seem to do it.. however, your concepts often make up for it. Your definitely one of the more creative people on the board and I love that... anyways , this was no exception, creative non-linear sort of timeline, set up the story well, cool directive. lol... bitch juice, that was pretty lame. Sort of in the same vein of the quote i quoted from ydk's piece.. just slackin on wording some places - otherwise this was cool for sure, you had better wording than ydk sans those two things I pointed out, one each..

v - mortuus

[Cody Nash]

3-1