Special Topic Week! Regular Rules Apply.
1 picture, 1 topic, 1 quote
http://i53.tinypic.com/j8zmdh.jpg
"Shit Happens"
"The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater is their power to harm us."
- Voltaire
Special Topic Week! Regular Rules Apply.
1 picture, 1 topic, 1 quote
http://i53.tinypic.com/j8zmdh.jpg
"Shit Happens"
"The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater is their power to harm us."
- Voltaire
hello
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"Are you playing with yourself?" "Who said I'm playing, I'm being serious!"
extension till sunday please, busy week with new puppy and all, thanks!
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"Are you playing with yourself?" "Who said I'm playing, I'm being serious!"
sure
sorry posting last second, my puppy has Giardia and has to have meds and special food and be monitored 24/7...
anyway
topic: all three (the picture, the quote, and "shit happens"
Broken Words
his voice crackled, a crinkled paper jackal
the choice saddled with thinking draped in shackles
"Nah, I don't have a woman, but we can fix that easy"
the tape played hurried breath and sex-sweat beading
addicted to the act, I can hear him digitally mapped
enough time to listen twice and critically laugh
what an ass- he's got no morals hidden under sheets
my fingers twitch in rhythm to a slow plundered beat
the tape ends so loudly, I jump in my unwanted skin
and I replay endlessly- exactly what he's done again
too much to forgive? the question lingers in the air
a solid form of innocence torn by ripped out hair
contorted emotions dance with distorted revulsion
how dare he lie in bed with Madusa-supported impulses
he's another snake and I know the apple's rotten
I sit on the floor, wedding ring all but forgotten...
I guess shit happens for a reason?
say it on repeat till we believe it
I put the headphones down, there's a knock on the door
my neighbor, he whispers...."today, I thought of you more"
a flurry of clothes, hurry lets go!, its a race to own-
there's no getting even, but I won't just pace alone
...when I can taste the moans
with each thrust I feel less trust in my power
I hope he felt it too, blessed lust turned sour
stinking sex and steaming breaths- a quiet death born
I have divorced a cheater through my undressed form-
and tape broken words
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"Are you playing with yourself?" "Who said I'm playing, I'm being serious!"
sorry, been gone cuz my brother flew in today, I'll have it up before I go to bed tonight if that's cool
"The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater is their power to harm us."
Inferno
I open my eyes to see endless horizons exposed in the skies
I feel my shoulders, my thighs...anything to let me know I'm alive
roll over and sigh, last thing I remember I was home with my wife
holding her tight...wait, before that I was holding a knife
smoldering light erupts and interrupts my confusion
its a fuckin illusion, it must be just another contusion
I chuckle, amused and adjust my sight up in the sky
but the subtlest movement makes the light intensify
"all right I'll get up, fine" I mumble into the soft wind
I sit up and stop when I catch a glimpse at a coffin
as I inch to the box the light collapses into air
flashed and vanished like I had just imagined it was there
now I'm splitting hairs, sweat beading in my clenched fists
"wish you were here," I whispered, feeling that I meant it
breathing is eccentric, my hands search for the latches
I release it and expect to see her lurch from the casket
but only dust billowed from the house of decay
so I sit until the musty clouds drift away
I peer inside to find shattered pieces of her necklace
her heart I tore apart for all the secrets that she left with
it was meaningless and reckless, I'm stuck to ponder and moan
another season in this deadness, left to wander alone
good luck
Silky Sky - this is a very fast pace(due to some nice wordings) verse about a woman whose cheating with a neighbor?? at least thats what i got out of it, lol. But yea, the strength of the piece were the wordings. It move in very short bursts and it worked well towards the overall story.
^^nice metaphor, right there. The only problem with this verse is that it moved so quickly it left behind many questions.contorted emotions dance with distorted revulsion
Oatmeal - hmm...i'm gonna interpret this story as a ghost that is visting his old hunting ground? I'm still not sure...but thats okay, cuz I felt the strength of this piece was not necessarily the story but the imagery. I can see everything happening due to some nice attention to detail. For a short verse, the story felt complete and with some slick flow to match, it helped to move the verse along nicely as well.
vote = Oatmeal. I thought his verse was more of a complete piece and was simply more interesting. SS had very nice wordings to her piece but the story just wasn't as engaging.
hmmm...
Silk: I liked the concept and approach of this verse. i think that you had some clever phrases/lines....but the wording just felt reallllly awkward. I'm sorry that your puppy is sick, btw. I hope he feels better soon! But yes, I liked the concept, just wasn't crazy about the wording...rhyme schemes/flow were good though.
Oat: hmmm, this concept is slightly played...however, your imagery was uber vivid. Your wording and rhyme schemes are also MUCH better than last weeks verse with Wise. Your flow though, was a bit hard for me to follow. Your lines are long winded...but they kinda work. It's confusing, lol. The assonance helped A LOT...it really made the lines chug along...but if I was considering where the snare would hit, that's when I became confused.
This vote is reallly hard. I think that in the end, Silk's verse was more creative and I think the execution of the story was handled nicely, though the wording wasn't awesome..it sounded cool when i spit it out loud, but it was hard to make sense of all the lines because of the wording. Oat's verse had nice imagery, a cohesive story flow and cool rhymes...but his 17 syllable lines kind of threw me off. I'm going to give this to Oats...I simply enjoyed his his verse more...the imagery REALLY pulled me in, and it was easy to appreciate/comprehend his verse even though it wasn't written more simply. Vote: Oats
[YOUTUBE]2oVgq-QrwRM[/YOUTUBE]
Silk: straight out the gate i have to give you props for using all three topics(i only used two) and i actually think you did a good job of it, i mean shit happens is a very adequate match to an affair, atleast for me thats how i feel about them, if someone cheats on me, my feeling is that...shit happens...we werent right for each other, sucks but there are billions of other people in the world. ill move on. so in that respect i feel you spoke to me as the reader, personally. in turn are the people who become crushed by an affair...the longer we dwell...i think that is a well thought out connection as well. and then you gave it an original flip with the taping of the whole thing...wrapping in the third topic. you had some clever lines as Fresh said...and also as she said, there was some awkward wording here and there...
Oats: this was solid in terms of imagery, and was a pretty accurate interpretation of said topic. but i feel like this tone of a verse and pretty much the whole idea is pretty played in a way. now normally im not a stickler for common concepts, because its bound to happen, but in a tie breaker situation i will always side with originality. i think if you put some more content, and used that to help build the personality of the character i would of fell into this a bit more, dont get me wrong, it was enjoyable overall, just need to implement that unique something that makes it you
Overall: this was really close, i think oats had a solid verse, but it was as original, whereas Silk had an original concept(while tackling three topics at once) with some clever lines side by side with some awkward wording. ultimately like i said im gonna go with originality and the fact that Silk used all three topics pretty well in a way that didnt seem forced. good match up, hard decision.
v.Silk
"Ready? go! sat where the old cardboard city folk
swap tales with heads like every other penny throw"
Oats... this was pretty dope dude. Even conceptually I think you bested your opponent. It was easy to read, wording was flawless.. really, it was very strong on the phrasing and ideas put out there. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this drop without fault. content was the best part.. some dope lines in there...
"all right I'll get up, fine" I mumble into the soft wind
I sit up and stop when I catch a glimpse at a coffin
as I inch to the box the light collapses into air
flashed and vanished like I had just imagined it was there
it's hard to take it in a solid direction.. either he's dead and in hell for killing his wife, thus, the inferno and him not knowing where he is (if this is the case though, how is HE in hell if he killed her? unless he somehow died instead).. or his wife's just dead, and he suicided/went to hell -- thinking he could see her despite the sin. I dunno.. I took it a lot of ways. it was good when I look at all of them.
Silk. Flow was equally dope. You seem to be getting smoother imo.. conceptually it was straight. A good spin on a cliche idea. Your ability to bring the topics all into one was probably the most impressive feat of the battle. Well done on that... buuuuut, despite wicked flow.. your wording in places hindered that aspect of the drop as well. Don't get me wrong though, some good lines in there to make up for the sketchy spots. I wasn't as conceptually into this as I was oatmeals though.. he bested you there and on content/wording.. props for puttin' up a fight.
vote Oatmeal
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