Rivalyn (0-0) vs. Erun (0-1)

[Brandon Cee]

Rules and Regulations

Good Luck!

[Erun.]

Goin 30, bring your best fam. G'luck.

[Rivalyn]

You should already know.


Check.

[Rivalyn]

Beautiful Bliss
By: Rivalyn


he whistled, he walked, to fog he talked


His beautiful bliss ,enveloped in the thickest mist
a soul eloped; shrouding deep within its midst
common sense, what the eye cant see, can still exist
a cross upon a chain link clasped loosely in his fist
boot heels worn but urged woven into unholy Earth
a core of narcism and loathing merged and surged
volcanicity birthed this lack of mirth from every pour
upon his heart rained a bleak downpour and splashed afar
fog stalked lands an unfounded nor known hunting ground
wheres his beautiful; aloud he hummed aimed skybound
a scent marked haze, translucent to an eerie sun
failing to take away and make the gloom undone
as those heels click clacked upon this bleary map
time seemed to part & pass without elapse
a paradox explained merely by mystery within the mist
a paradise for predatorial parasites to here enlist
vision impeded and hindered yet walk he did ahead
angers stirred like thick cold soup inside a pot of lead
cloaked from eyesight a disfigured truths desperate plight
cutting grey figures like shadows in the grip of twilight
the trench-coats hem failed to flail again in the still
swirling ball of heat spun & arose in his gut like will to kill
twinges struck upon every nerve, distant footsteps heard
unseen for mist, nervous tension elevated to grow absurd
a women approached; placed the silver cross to his pocket
a beefy discomfort spawned remembering those within his locket
without consent, the whistling of a tune was missed
so he headed down this cut toward his beautiful bliss
silhouette he saw, the stomach heat thrust into his heart
could he do this? could he? would conscience spar?
hidden hands in pockets he clenched & braced
...and headed on towards the approaching unknown face...

his beautiful bliss; he whistled, he walked...

[Erun.]

I'll be posting my verse in about an hour. So it's not a no show.

[Erun.]

Tree Element

I always wondered why trunks sunk under pressure
And bleeding tears were a heart hunters pleasure
A lumberjack of sorts, short of temper, axe in hand
Thunder cracks with every swing under her asses gland
Pulse racer beating for pink slips by penetratin pink lips
Chopping down her self-esteem down to the basics
Each branch a different tale of kiss and dismissin tail
An imprisoned male leavin women stiff and pale
I don't mean in the literal sense, more mental-wise
Cause he really shouldn't have to tell those lies
Marking prey, barkin up the wrong legs to lay
Kept away, he'd always have a long beg to play
Plead and say how he needed some sex today
She would listen, going from branch to branch
Gaining will to leave by filling up a tattooed snatch
She gets you lost in a daze with lip glossed sentences
The way she writes on the soil is called penmanship
Green letters speaking of how she can be better
Leaves send her right back to the tree shredder
Where the cycle of psycho's continues, gets shady
As the sun descends, the girl sets free the lady
Growth through centuries gives her a million babies
Cut over time, each time she grows better designed
All the men gaze at her with a crazed look and blind
Before they wield the blade into her side and back
Mother nature was always a tough bitch to crack
The pain and suffering to guys is irrelevant
But to women its the code they live n die by
.....called the tree element

[Rivalyn]

Good shit, lets get it.

[Erun.]

2 links: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...746/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...749/index.html

Could we get some votes on this?

[_Lyrics]

rivalyn- aye i thought this was a good read for your first appearance i felt like the imagery and overall buildup was nice, not very descriptive on what he was doing or where he was going, but the trip there was a heavy one, i liked the almost gothic vibe i got from this and some of the good wordchoices, although i didn't see a very clear distinction to beautiful bliss.. and i dont think that was even a topic of choice. still cool read.

Erun- felt like your rhymescheme was better, but not in the wording.. I did like the comparison of the tree to a woman. i thought more should've been concentrated on that part of the concept and you could've turned this into a really dope piece. as it stands i felt like you were able to come up with a nice concept. I liked the green letters line, i just think with a more structured story and better building it would've been do much more of a read...

so close.... but v/Erun

[Rivalyn]

up.

[Tim]

Damn wtf at lack of votes

Anyways i liked Rivs rhymescheme in this verse, but i liked Erun concept. Just wished he did more with it. There was so much potential in it that i felt was over looked. I liked the dark vibe of Rivs verse and the overal execution of the verse i felt Riv had the edge. Sorry for the crappy feed but i have to get going

Vote.....Riv

[Cody Nash]

fog stalked lands an unfounded nor known hunting ground

Riv... wtf ^^^ does that even fuckin mean dude?? iunno.. to me, you had a very very very hard to read piece this week.. usually I can easily get through your shit but I struggled reading this... there was a lot of error imo.. wording was just fuck-all everywhere... overall.. wasn't into it.... sorry dude.. dunno. it's not that I didn't get it, it's that there was waaaaay too much I didn't like about it...


Erun, I hate the way you mixed poetic language with dirty nasty shit... like "the butterfly's pussy whistled to the flowers as the breeze touched her cooch" <<< you didn't write that, but you may as well have lmao.. just not a good combination to me unless you're going for a comical read... I would like to assume that what you were writing was comedy, because I cracked the fuck up @ "asses gland"... the wording was bleh.. concept was aiight... flow was good... overall, I think you pulled off the easier to read/easier to follow piece of work here...


not my favorite battle guys.. do better next week, please... 'cause I can tell you now that pieces like these aren't going to get my prize money...



vote Erun

[Brandon Cee]

Riv loses (0-1)
Erun wins (1-1)

CLOSED