Tactixx (1-0) vs. Messiah (1-0)

[Brandon Cee]

Rules and Regulations

Good Luck!

[Messiah.]

Yup.

[Tactixx]

sawp.... G'luck man..
Peace..

[Messiah.]

http://i47.tinypic.com/2rcy8u9.png

We used to walk these narrow roads of frivolous faces and dainty dreams,
tirelessly trudging the the paths of our minds braving whatever extremes
the world threw at us, among the mirky miles that we've trothed together,
you were always there for me, to keep my heart warm regardless of the weather.
With jack frost nipping at my extremities which was irrelevant when you were there
I still got that tainted; tingling touch that sparked me whenever we were paired.
Its almost come full circle now, the winter is here and the decorations are going up
I still get out your christmas clothes- your thick scarf, your little rudolph cup,
that bring a tear everytime because I know your near to me, smiling with intent
I grit my teeth to carry on with life but struggle at first with the time we've spent
together loving every moment with you, which now just seems like torment.

"Pixel Perfect"

Its been twelve months today to the day although i'm not sure of the hour
you little ticking heart gave into your struggle, all I could do was cower
at the fact I saw you wither and die before my eyes, evident in the pictures
where I now relive the whole event and then caress myself in prayers
to bring peace of mind myself as now smiles and laughs reign across my face
I start to erase the heartache with joy which now seems to dictate the pace
of my heart. I flick through the different chapters of the open story of you demise
how beautiful you took a picture in the summer sun and the stifling haze
to the gorgeous smile you still possessed- on counting your final days,
these pictures bring me closure to close this chapter, and finish this ending phase.

'Midnight Sunrise'

No longer will I wake fresh faced in the middle of the night and feel your warm
now forms itself into straight sheets and a cold place, but choosing to reform
my behaviour I pull myself away and find comfort in the midnight sunrise
something we used to sit intent on, the moon in the sky and throught god's eyes
we'd snuggle under the stars content amongst the winter breeze and fire flys.

Through the struggles of life i've now come to terms that he's never going away
I may now stroll alone in this world one that seemed rifled with dismay
now brings comfort in the respect he will aways walk with me in spiritual form
and performing the act of boldness in my face which is out of the norm
for me to do so but your head has to be held high in times of loss and depression
and through my digression I had an epiphany and got rid of my obssession
because I've finally figured out that your not coming back,
I've fought against the heartache, to get my life on track.



.

[Tactixx]

What's Fair?


I was at a time in my life when everything was alined just right
Our future seemed bright as I shopped for homes with my wife
"Stone, brick or white?, C'mon baby which place did you like?"
We pulled in for the night and she slowly whispered in my ear
"I have something you should hear", eyes glistening with tears
With hidden fears she'd said I'd be a father in less than a year
Never wouldve guessed I'd get here, balance in perfect measure
A good job, someone to love & on the way was our tiny treasure
Only thing on my mind was pleasure, which was fine & sublime
The nine months that went by were just a small ripple in time
Until my daughter's fingers held mine and I felt they held life
She had a warmness in her eyes and a heart that could melt ice
I cant describe what it felt like, just to have and to hold her
Countless times I'd told her how much I loved her over & over
But as she got older we began to notice severe complications
Everything from mere constipation to siezures & hallucinations
We couldnt explain it, the grip I had on life was coming loose


One night Amy came out of her room bloody & looking confused
Holding a soaking tissue screaming, "Daddy what should I do!?"
I didn't have a clue, panic stricken, I glanced over at Jules
She grabbed her cell off of the stool and quickly called EMS
We were tense and stressed while the doctors ran their tests
My heart slammed in my chest but the diagnosis seemed hopeless
The late stages of cancer and as for donors...there was no list
This is something I couldnt cope with, my whole soul is broken
The one thing I cherished is being stolen..why wasnt I chosen?
All the emotions exploding while my sanity was slowly eroding
My baby girls door on life was closing & she didnt even know it
If she was ever scared she didnt show it, she was bold & strong
I remember we used to sing old songs while we all drove along
Now my hopes are gone & Im just left to be an angry pessamist
I used to be affectionate, now Im just depressesed & desolate
My wife and I have drifted seperate but we were left to survive
tears swell in my eyes when Amy tells me that she's ready to die
We both began to cry while I try desperately to steady my thighs
I was already dead inside when we all said our final good-byes
Why? Lord you've made a mistake, your job is to give..not take
I always told her, our love was a bond that no one could break
I loved her so much and Ill never forget the touch of her hair
Everything was so perfect...So now you tell me....What's Fair?

[SMZ]

messy - tone of the piece was consistent, a number of well chosen words - piece had a kinda forced hopefulness vibe to it... well done in that respect - the rhyming element was for the most part more simplistic than not... but ur piece kept my attention

tactixx - pretty coo piece - i felt places where words seemed to rhyme than do much else... the story was conveyed well enough... might touch some ppl... iunno - the mood i'm in presently just kept it from connecting to me... which kinda feels unfair to me, but i can't vote on anything other than how i feel right now...

lil strange that you both wrote about children dying... i think i liked messy's way better tho

v/ messy

[SmokaJoka]

this battle is a pain in the ass to vote on

Messiah - you had an indirect approach to your piece....you didn't really go into details more just the feelings of those involved....I like that you spread it across several topics this week...it's creative but has been done before as well...not a bad job tbh

Tactixx - your storywriting ability is impressive...not only did you go into emotional details but I like the fact that you added a sort of prologue before the child was born to connect the reader to the father's emotions...the story itself was very descriptive and the imagery was there as well....


it's hard to choose from but I'm going with Tactixx for better execution and a more entertaining and emotional verse than Messiah...sorry Mess...you did well

Vote - Tactixx

[Tim]

damn very good battle both of you, I think that Messy had the emotional side of this piece down to a T. And i liked how you added more then 1 topic to the piece and made it all add up props on the. The flow was good and i also liked the way you ened it. Tact I was loving your piece also. Kinda has the same type of feeling a flow that I use in my pieces, but thats not the reason you get my vote, you get my vote because i feel like this was a more polished well rounded piece. Messy this would most diff beat other pieces, but i can see your getting back into the flow of things

Vote......Tactixx

[Messiah.]

^ That is correct, its still coming back.

1-2 it tic tacs favour.

[Noodle]

Messiah, this was a strong verse, although I must say it was a bit broad. Some spots also had a really stop and go type of flow and if it's because of rust like you say, I understand that completely. You've got solid work here conceptually, but execution was lacking for this one. The risk was there and it was a good idea, I just couldn't feel it as a whole, just some stuff needed to be reworked in my opinion. Tactixx, storytelling is your thing i can tell. You've really drawn a nice image up for us here with the strong phrasing through each line and that's where you excel passed Messiah here....stronger details and just an overall better piece with really rich imagery. Good work both of you.

v/Tactixx

[Brandon Cee]

Tactixx wins (2-0)
Messy loses (1-1)

closed