1-2 Punch Magazine
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The 1-2 Punch Mag's
Eazzzy Reading Music of the Week
[SOUNDCLICK]7094283[/SOUNDCLICK]
Joe Budden - "Just To Be Different"
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Introduction
1-2 Punch is off to a badass start.
Minus the modding
Minus the late battle setups
Minus the late closing of battles
Minus the noshows
Minus the lack of a Mag the 1st two weeks
Minus the predictions thread getting 2 replies
Minus the chat thread being a gravesite
No hate to Tim at all, i'm sure dude's had alot on his plate in real life, and it HAS been awhile since he's been in charge of a league. On a positive not, it appears that BTK stepped up and took charge closing battles and finding Tims repacement. As far as people showing for battles, for the most part people are showing up AND voting, which is cool.. so keep it up! From now on, ima try to do mags each week, unless someone else wants to do it, or collab with me or someone else and put one together. Anyways, let's dive into this shit..
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A Look Back: Battle Reviews
Skit-Zen 2-0 vs Calvin Kold 2-0
this actor's style is like a girl so ima just bend this bitch
....then watch me straight cut like a director and end this skit
-- No Show, Calvin wins.
Phazed* 2-0 vs soberSE0ULja 2-0
Preposterous flow! Gettin' his 'lines to connect's an impossible goal
...So I'll leave this 'Parallel Korea Fight' by demolishing SE0UL!
Phazed*
vs
Virgin kid's never been with a chick, horny dude said he'll settle for dick,
Too bad Phazed is so busted, even guys in his avy say NO to this prick.
soberSE0ULja
-- sober swept the votes, and took this one pretty easily. i think phazed had the right idea, but sober had the clowning and personal mixed together pretty well, and ultimately beat out phazed.
Brandon Cee 2-0 vs. Rule. 2-0
enough with the swagger bro. as time can tell, u aint nice.
like how u windup with a loss'll have watch companies looking for advice.
Rule.
vs
Happy V-day faggot....you and your boyfriend were covered in flowers
And then everyone knew you were Golden just by judging your Showers
Brandon Cee
-- this was a good match. brandon ended up pulling away comfortably 6-2 with a good personal punch. it made me feel really dirty after reading it =( i wanted to take a shower but realized that was the whole point lol. nice job man.
big rico 2-0 vs. Hani Nasser 2-0
hani wat the fuck in callin jayemm boo and all in ya last battle
i guess with niggas you start text relationships,cuz in real life,
those draws you cant handle
big rico
vs
Wow! Your written raps are dope, kid! Nothin' short of amazin'..
^ That's falsehood...like the one you pretend you were raised in.
Hani Nasser
-- the votes were all one sided here, and for good reason too. rico obviously rushed his or something, because while the concept was there, it lacked any creativity and the delivery was meh. hani had a nice personal, and the wordplay was straight too. onesided, but a cool read regardless.
Featured Special - Laughing Stock of the Week:
Prevail 2-0 vs. .Bullet. 2-0 No one wins!!!
-- Ok, i dunno who peeped this battle, but shit was hilarious. Bullet showed up at 11:45pst, but didnt drop a punch. Prevail shows up like 3 days later, drops a punch, then bullet does after like another day. It gets one or 2 votes, then BTK comes in and tears em all a new asshole, and gives em both a DQ... so no one wins! Ladies and gents, please, dont be like these two. It aint that hard to come up with a bar within the week. smh.
holos kaustos 1-0 vs. Mariah 1-0
I'd put my foot in your ass to damage your spine before you slap me
But if I step foot in HK it'll leave me Dishing out more than Gordon Ramsey
Mariah
vs
I'd adore your text... but it belongs in a garbage can
and we all give you a high five...
...cause if your punches fell off a building it still wouldn't land
holos kaustos
-- this was a decent battle, mariah came pretty fresh with a new concept and a good nameplay. Write came ok i guess, but he tried to flip a played concept, and it ended up backfiring on him. mariah took this comfortably with a sweep of the votes.
Zalph not Zelph 1-0 vs. Onelly 1-0
fuck this short bitch, you'll never make it past 5'5", ur weak sonzOriginally Posted by onelly
gettin' smaller by the minute stompin' down Nelly wit my Air Force 1's
Zalph not Zelph
vs
Im 6ft bitch, check your facts, having people laugh seems to be a must have
But the funniest thing on your profile is your moustache
onelly
-- well let's see here. this battle obviously wasnt awesome by any means, but Z ended up grabbing this win easily. There was a little bickering back and forth, but onelly claimed it was because he watched the Notorious movie and so it somehow made his punch Hall of Fame material or some shit. Anyways, moral of the story: dont watch the movie then drop a punch here.
Battle Reviews: The Rest of the Pack
NO SHOWS
R.A.S jr 0-1 vs. neMO! 0-1
Born To Kill 1-1 vs. Jayemm 1-1
Abnormal. 1-1 vs. Cry 1-1
Burden. 1-1 vs. Big_T 1-1
XCIII 1-1 vs. Real Illy 1-1
Supernat 1-1 vs. Knowledge. 1-1
White-Winter 1-1 vs. Terror Eyez 1-1
.LM. 1-1 vs. Carpe Diem 0-0
R!canTheoryz 1-1 vs. Sobe 1-1
Vegeta. 0-0 vs. Aphillyate 0-2
i'm doper, hard even sober, this kid soft aint spit hard
Cuz i'll just 'fuck' over this dude when i pull his 'v' card
Aphillyate
vs
Damn you dropping dope bars, they hittin hard too.
Sike, only mediocre punches are Aphillyated with you.
Vegeta.
-- pretty weak battle here to be honest. Aphill's wasnt all that great, and dom at least got the better nameplay outta it. both were below standard i'd say, but dom took it easily.
K 0-0 vs. EL COMPA 0-2
He's clearly wack, but do i slack? Or just let him have it
Cause i respect Com..
but i bet he's ashamed his names the same as this faggots!
K
vs
Pussy throw away ya frame.. cuz RB can't picture ya stank cunt the same
and if battling K was money it'll be gone like tha letters that left his name
EL COMPA
-- this was prolly one of the closest battles this week. K came with a pretty cool twist off another members name, while compas was pretty creative in itself. votes went back and forth, but ultimately K pulled away to squeak this one out.
CrossFire~Mc 1-1 vs. Tenebrific 1-1
Kid constantly dropping cyphers, leaving noobies steamed
But with lines like these, he's only dope in his dreams..
Tenebrific
vs
ill leave u Showcased,,Not JusT the Cyhper Thistime,,The 1-2 is a closed case...
Like ya Qoutes say,,U aint crossin fire,,Unlike Most teners,,I cud Smoke this kid,no flames
CrossFire~Mc
-- another onesided battle here, tene kinda took this with ease. While Tene played off of a quote, crossfire went for a punch off of tene's name, but it really came out as forced. Dude had the right idea i guess, but delivery was choppy and like most of the voters said, it was reaching.
LPMNDCTE 1-1 vs. The_Phantom 1-1
you never start what you finish & your sexual status is nothin but false hope
When you sink your teeth into something....it'll be in the necks of men's throats
LPMNDCTE
vs
im wicked with the words i can make this dude skip~town,
cuz he know i aint afraid 2 hit a bitch like chris~brown
The Phantom
-- kinda wished this one woulda gotten more votes, but it got 4 i think. LP dropped a decent clowning punch, while phantom went for a play off of current events. both were pretty straight, but LP's delivery versus phantom's choppy delivery was the key here imo. both had good ideas, but LP's punch was a little better executed.
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Battle of the Week
vs
I was gunna nominate my battle with Brandon, but i hate nominating myself for shit. so yeah.
Punch of the Week
Honorable Mention:
Happy V-day faggot....you and your boyfriend were covered in flowers
And then everyone knew you were Golden just by judging your Showers
Brandon Cee vs Rule.
Wow! Your written raps are dope, kid! Nothin' short of amazin'..
^ That's falsehood...like the one you pretend you were raised in.
Hani Nasser vs big rico
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SHOUTout!
SHOUT #1: First off, props to BTK for steppin up and closing all the shit down and handling the dirty work with Tim missing in action.
SHOUT #2: Dios is takin over 1-2 as Mod, so let's give him our respect by showing up and continuing to give a shit about this league.
SHOUT #3: To all of you that showed, dropped, AND voted. keep ya shit together, this leagues on the up and up.
SHOUT #4: Props to Jessica Biel cus she's hot as fuck.
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The Odds
A humorous look at the weeks controversies, mishaps, and general issues in the League
Odds on what happened to Tim...
500 to 1 | Realized that outside of the Mod Lounge, the world is a scary place.
35 to 1 | Read Ancel's 'Guide to Successful Modding'
No Line | Joined Feeble Minded's retirement community.
Odds on the fate of 1-2 Punch...
10,000 to 1 | Everything is run well and it's a success!!
9,999 to 1 | onelly champs league; Notorious film credited.
EVEN | 1-2 Punch merges with Front Lines.
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Adios Amigos
Aight people, let's get this shit off to a fresh start. I kinda got a good feeling bout this too.. dont prove me wrong lol. We really needa cut down on the no shows as well, cus that shit affects the voting. IT'S 2 FUCKIN LINES IN A WEEK.. it really shouldnt be that difficult, honestly. Oh yeah, and dont forget to have fun. Seriously.. it's really an entertainment league, so enjoy yourselves. And it appears that there WILL be money for the winner and runner up, so that shit should be an incentive.. i mean, who doesnt want money? except for onelly cus he's gunna be ballin right?Let's get this shit underway. I'm out.
Re: 1-2 Punch Mag - Knockout Issue!
