the end of every poem.

[Atti]

i'd be shallow if you could actually cry
.. if something more than sand
could tip
(h)our glass
to the point it truly was half empty,
no matter if you stand on your tippy-toes
and pier down as if you really thought it was an acurate depiction
to glance off the top of my shoulders,
and claim we've filled this ugly mug
with anything more than a few droplets of something
that resembles sober.

as if i really knew how to swim anyways
-you just wanted someone to test the waters
before you pretended to drown.

your greatest weakness is a poet
-mine is the literate;

if i could actually read my own words
i'd realize what it means to you
when i fall apart in your glass palms-
and count down to the end
while thinking that your math is strong:
everyone knows poets
use the other side of a half hearted mind-
but my reflection wears disguise
like you're trying to play along,

stupid
me.

my relationship status is:
narcissism;

i'm good at reading palms,
but when you hold my hands
and i cup your face
-those smile lines contort the page.

maybe i'll love you along,
or maybe this is just another heroes tales
i've used as a napkin
to wipe away those tears again-
either way

i'll let it happen.

don't think of me as an asshole..
i'm the poet you've always quoted-
i'll help you fill your journal pages
so i can steel
a moment.

you can be my ambiguous
warning letter-
that just can't keep its hands off of heartbeats,
because i'm a poet before a reader,
and those palpitations make better endings
then new beginnings.

i'm sorry, truly
-this is the (heart)est part,
but will you help me write
the ending?


i've got another poem
to start.

[Cody Nash]

not bad. lol. really dig the concept. some creative lines in there. I've never seen the heartest/hardest play before, that was pretty cool to read. the end of every poem is the beginning of a new poem, that's a cool concept... damn you for thinking of shit before me, damn you to hell atticus... lol. but no, great read man. really creative and littered with witty phrases and creativity as always... you haven't changed a bit man... still got that same spark, like you know something in each piece that the rest of the world doesn't... really good vibe off your reads... stay up... we should do something together sometime. get at me if you feel like it...


- Cry



http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...at-385411.html
check this out... me and abi spent nearly 2 weeks touching up and all that good shit, so give it a gander.

[Prince Escobar]

I'll reserve my critique for AIM, but man this was good. I liked the way your ideas were loosely tied together in the beginning it felt as though reading each line was like following a rabbit home, but in a good way lol. Anyway I still need time for the concept to really sink in but these stanzas damn near dropped my jaw so...write more like that kthnxbye.

as if i really knew how to swim anyways
-you just wanted someone to test the waters
before you pretended to drown.

i'm good at reading palms,
but when you hold my hands
and i cup your face
-those smile lines contort the page.

[BadWriter]

This was very nice. I think that it has been the best piece I have read in a long while? The concepts were so nice and they just touched down every time I read. The voice that I can picture this poem in has a good and almost silent tone to it. I think that your comparisons were amazing and how you tied it in with your imagery. There are far to many quotable's in here to just pick one or even my favorite of all of them. Do you know what the type of poetry is where you segregate parts of a word and make it have an alternate meaning? I have been trying to figure it out. The emotion in this was very strong and you had me the whole time! I look forward to reading more from you man. Can you feed my piece Sunlight and tell me what you think I could work on?

[LedgenZ]

I never really know what to say after reading your poems. I mean, they're so subjective; at least for me they are. It's kind of like either you like 'em or you don't, because as far as mechanics and technique go...well, there isn't much for you to work on. Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is, that it all just boils down to the words. And...as far as I'm concerned the words are dope. I mean, you had line after line of jaw dropping brilliance, the concept was dope, and I even felt goose bumps run up my arm after reading some of your metaphors, and to me that is what it is all about: that tingling feeling you get when you know your reading something special. Fuck the techniques and all the mechanics in the world...make me feel and understand what you're writing, and then make me jealous that I didn't think of it first; that is what impresses me, not that other college level bullshit!

Great job man, as always, it was a pleasure to read!

[Alphaeus]

This was really great,
I've wanted to read a piece of yours of a while now but never got round to it, heard good things about you. I love reading pieces with a lot of nice imagery and vivid detailed description. So this piece was a pleasure to read...
Loved it from start to finish, the way you wrote it, and the word choice you used through-out, brilliant stuff. I thought your concept was really good and original, the title was what made me want to read this - really liked it, nice and enjoyable read atti.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...re-386036.html

[Rein Ryder]

This was really, Really well thought out. I've never actually seen poets like Cry or Ledgenz be upset they didnt think of something so great. It is and probably will be some of the greatest pieces I'll ever remember. Vocab was brilliant and immagery too was illuminating.

i'm good at reading palms,
but when you hold my hands
and i cup your face
-those smile lines contort the page.

maybe i'll love you along,
or maybe this is just another heroes tales
i've used as a napkin
to wipe away those tears again-
either way

i'll let it happen.

By far these are two of my favorite stanzas.


Keep up this brilliance, and I hope to enjoy reading another piece of yours
no pressure.