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Thread: somethin free

  1. #1
    straight raw nuggah! spader's Avatar
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    somethin free

    yo, i got a mentality rate, to over debate,
    i dont listen to hate, i listen to fate,
    some people seem to think that life is nothing,
    but everyday we see the hate is risin,
    i once spoke to an old man, who had a story,
    yet no one woul listen, and that was haunting,
    he disliked tellin it, because of something,
    he spoke of all the races, made as one,
    told me that god cared not of color or guns,
    said that one day we'll all be saved,
    yet those who hate, will have a different fate,
    his tears fell down, as he told me this,
    and showed me his scars, when he was whipped,
    mexicans,asians,blacks and whites,
    have all been slaves, some points in their lifes,
    and in the street we kill one another to prove were right,
    when truely, where the ones whos who started the fight,
    the little boy sellin crack, just to survive,
    the woman on the corner, talkin to guys,
    the hate thats within, in us resigns,
    but in the back of our minds,
    we know that gods color blind,
    put no words in my mouth, i aint about,
    whos in charge, or who is hard,
    im about life, and if you cant get with it,
    you probably lost it, hopin you can have it,
    and if then yo mind still seems to wonder,
    take the hate out your heart,
    and start to love another,



    ....................................somethin free................
    Last edited by spader; February 7th, 2006 at 12:51 PM

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  2. #2
    straight raw nuggah! spader's Avatar
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    from the heart yall..........for real.......no more hate..........lease we love.............lease we see.............you and me................................................ ......somtin free................

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  3. #3
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Damn this really wasn't good... you need to add emotion and your feelings toward the peice... you can't just write a topical with out getting into it as it will just turn out really awful and people can see thats there was no thought the second they read it...

    You also need to make it longer... you have alright flow so you should use that to your advanage.

    peace... stay up. and keep writting.
    AI


    “ˇViva la Revolución!”

  4. #4
    straight raw nuggah! spader's Avatar
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    aight then cuz.........check this out..........

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  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Verbal Insanity.
    Damn this really wasn't good... you need to add emotion and your feelings toward the peice... you can't just write a topical with out getting into it as it will just turn out really awful and people can see thats there was no thought the second they read it...

    You also need to make it longer... you have alright flow so you should use that to your advanage.

    peace... stay up. and keep writting.
    yep i agree wit him.. but yeah i think tha piece was good but theres always room for improvement... but yeah i'd deffo want 2 read more from ya.. cah i stil memba that other poem u wrote.. it was deep... but work on it aiite...1
    ''Crying Is Blackmail''

  6. #6
    lady_Desiree
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    i wanst really feeling this in ways some what the flow was truly fucked up tha way you wrote this needs some improvement it wasnt too bad tho just needs work on the flow the topic was okay i only liked the the first half i wasnt shitty or fucked up all the way yu just need to improve ya self
    Last edited by lady_Desiree; February 7th, 2006 at 05:05 PM Reason: fuckd up

  7. #7
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
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    Closed. Read the rules.

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