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Thread: Suicide Note

  1. #1
    .
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
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    H-Town
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    949
    Battle Record
    34-8

    Suicide Note

    Suicide Note

    Dear Whoever…..

    Alrite I been checkin it for a while….fakin my smile
    Always been in denial…cuz homie these cats wild
    People laughin at my shows, hatin on me dawg
    MAN im killin myself quick…so I don’t suffer long
    Always kept my verbal straight, so ya’ll could understand
    Im sinkin deep into insanity, like walkin on quick sand
    Gun in my hand…homie im jus waitin to pop it
    Cuz when I drop a verse……………………..
    ………………always another Nigga who top it
    I damn near lost it, people who hatin on this kid
    Whether its for my lyrics, or maybe something I did
    My conscience got the best of me, ya’ll tore me down
    As I take the silencer off the gun………………….
    …………………………So my death speaks loud
    Killin myself for you? Or maybe im insecure….
    ….havent checked myself in days…………….
    ………………………….im not really sure
    For all ya’ll haters who impatient cuz im still alive
    Don’t ya’ll forget….you’ll end up dead in time…
    Before I go, I gotta give a shout out to my homies
    Don’t worry bout me……………………….
    ……….I’ll have Pac n B.I.G…I wont be lonely..

    - _rEEz
    Yadadamean?

  2. #2

  3. #3
    Banned
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    Dec 2005
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    Wa.
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    6-4
    This Was Okey.......U Need To Put More Imaination Into Your Peice(S).........Ur Emotion Wasnt Really There Either.......And The Periodz In Topicalz Might Make The Verse Look Good But Fucks Up The Flow In The Readers Mind......5.5/10

  4. #4
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    thanks for the feed.......I know ya hate me tho dawg..haha
    Yadadamean?

  5. #5
    LostKlawz
    Guest
    Not bad. It seems as if you incorporate a battle hype to your open mic which kind of sets off the tone. The use of similies should be used more lightly. Wording was a little lack yet you used good tone. Overall it was okay and no im not hating im criticisizing your piece constructively. rating 5/10

  6. #6
    .
    Join Date
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    haha thanks man...no ped hates me...cuz he votes against me in every battle..and somehow im still 11-2...BUT thats off topic
    Yadadamean?

  7. #7
    LostKlawz
    Guest
    Haha Yea, Peep My OpenMic The Night Of Ecstasy Youll See Some of My Points I Refer To .
    LK

  8. #8
    Banned Percept's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
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    35
    Posts
    1,032
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    30-3
    up your vocab. it was too simple. flow wsa still decent, so it was pretty good.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=255653
    hit that up

  9. #9
    Lyrically~Ill
    Guest
    shit i liked it it would be alot betta if you used multies tho

  10. #10
    .
    Join Date
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    UPPIN...ill put up link in a sec
    Yadadamean?

  11. #11

  12. #12
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    1,159
    Battle Record
    47-11
    Yea Yo Good Flow good wordplay nice conecpt even tho alot of these are written to seperate yours from the rest add some emotion and more imagination to the pieces you write overall soild drop--

    Leave feed on mines -Thoughts of the Mind- in my siggy

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