African Drums

[BigBoss]

Dum, Dum, Dum!
Hear tha beat of tha Drums
Clickity clack! hands clap, while some people Hum
Hum, hum, while tha drums echo in tha African night
the fire we dance around is the only light in sight
Its a celebration, as we dance and enjoy the beat
I ask them to teach me how to mimic their feet
while I mimic their feet, I step higher and higher
we never get tired of dancin' around the African fire

Burn, Burn, is the chant they yell at the flame
they start to bob their head so I do tha same
Burn, Burn Flame, they continue to chant
We never get tired of the African dance

Take a glance to see how our dance makes the dust rise
the beat is in our heart, and the emotion is in our eyes
Stop! the beat drops, we pause an its silent as one guy hums
He’s singing in his native tongue, saying...

“Dum, Dum, Dum! Hear tha beat of tha Drums
Clickity clack! hands clap, while some people Hum
Hum, hum, while tha drums echo in tha African night
the fire we dance around is the only light in sight”

The fire settles down just like the celebration
its odd, the fun is over but I feel the sensation
still in this nation, away from modern civilization
so I take the opportunity that I’ve been waitin’...

So I drag my feet through the dirt to a little hut
its the house of an elder, known as a local nut
I step through the front of his humble abode
and saw this gray haired man that spoke so slow
as he said, “sit down my son, I’ll give you advice”
It turns out that he’s not nuts, this brothas nice

Our conversation lasted hours upon hours
He made me realize that knowledge is power
Right before I left he started tapping his thumbs
I knew he was telling me to remember the drums, going...

Dum, Dum, Dum! Hear tha beat of tha Drums
Clickity clack! hands clap, while some people Hum
Hum, hum, while tha drums echo in tha African night
the fire we dance around is the only light in sight


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http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...83#post3267383

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=239057

better fedback..
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...33#post3275733

[brandon manning]

that was dope dogg!!!!!!!!!!!!
its got rithym you need to get a beat for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.............dope flat dope..

[James,]

haaaa yeah thats some shit takin it back to the roots tight nigga, great flow, good structure dude keep it comin nice

[BigBoss]

uppin...

[Johnny 6-feet]

Leave proper feedback in your replies or this gets closed. Your second link was 1 line, that is not proper feedback.

[WordPloy]

nice joint yo.. good poetic science.. nice format.. and content is str8
font is a bit hard to read in this colour.. strains the eyes to fuck
but yeah nice imagery and effects its like i can almost hear those drums for real

all in all an easily enjoyable piece, with lots of quality aspects about it


keep up

pz

[BigBoss]

thanks for the feedback.....hit me up wit some more feedback

[BigBoss]

please hit me up with some "likes" and "dislikes"

[James,]

okay not enough multis, need to add multis, and you need better vocab.....there ya go thats dislikes

[T.F. Lee]

I felt this piece..usually repetion is a no-no unless it's for a reason but you just brought it back around when you spit

“Dum, Dum, Dum! Hear tha beat of tha Drums
Clickity clack! hands clap, while some people Hum
Hum, hum, while tha drums echo in tha African night
the fire we dance around is the only light in sight”

it had a cycle to it..like the beat...but other than that some of the words didn't rhyme,giving it a poetry feel to it..but solid drop kiddo

[warchild]

This would make a good poem but as a rap it just doesnt work.
The vocab was decent the imagery was good for the concept of the piece but nothing stand out. I think the piece was too soft i write and enjoy reading pieces that are darker more depressing or funny punchline type verses. This is good for what it was a poem but i just wasnt feeling it as a rap. Plus there were no multies in it so it lacked complexity. Next time you write think of a better concept so we can see what you really about.
Return the feed on my new Om:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=240126