To tech 9's suicide letters(the real tech n9ne)

[mindone]

I know just how you feel, i feel the same everyday.
It feels like the little grasp on life i have is slowly slipping away.
My determination strays, ive had it up to here with bad days.
I feel like geust staring on a childrens show an putting a pistal in my mouth sideways.
Just to show the pain and frustration thats going on in the world always.
Even on the brightest day the darkest day hides behind closed doors, with a newse as a ready rope.
For those who have seen to much and instead of life rather choke, i try an cope, and as hard as it is i have to beleave in hope.
Cause i already hung myself and didnt choke,
this is a peice i wrote, to Tech 9.
One day when i wasnt feelin fine, one of those days when times no friend of mine.
How am i supposed to unwind, in a world thats already unraveled.
I JUST WANNA DIE, but its not time for that road to be travled.

[Eve Alminds]

first can i say you need to look at your structure and remember about the use of commas and full stops...this can affect the way that your work is read immensley...it flowed ok the second time i read it because of working out the pauses etc...Even on the brightest day the darkest day hides behind closed doors, with a noose as a ready rope....thought that this was a good line for imagery...generally good rhyming scheme throughout the whole peice...


Example

I know just how you feel, i feel the same everyday.
It feels like the little grasp on life i have is slowly slipping away.
My determination strays, Ive had it up to here with bad days.

^^I've not changed any of the words (other than the spelling), but put in the commas and the full stops...it lets the reader know that there should be a slight pause or whatever...i'm sure you know how they work...and i've changed the structure slightly to show you what I mean...up to you if you wanna take any of my advice or opinions...but whatever you do keep on evelating...thanks for lookin mine up

Dream

^^Have a look at this one for me if you don't mind...cheers!!!

[mindone]

Thanks for the feed back , i tried to fix the best i could. Thanks again.