Bars| 5-10
Due| Tonight
Topic- "Walking To Your Death"
Bars| 5-10
Due| Tonight
Topic- "Walking To Your Death"
check nigga... im ready
ill start written soon i guess
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My Eyes Are Brighten By A Blinding Light.
Filled With Fright, Ill Be Killed Tonight.
Confused On Why, I Pray Pain Is Absent.
Death Appears, As I Enter His Apartment.
It Contained Brawls, Leaving Blood Stained Walls.
As Monsters Fall, My Name Is What Murder Calls.
It Sits In His Palace, He Sips Sinister Chalice.
He Is Faceless, But Very Monterous.
Death Is Laughing, My Family Is Crying.
My Mom Shivers, As Her Son Begins Dying.
Tied Down, As Needles Enter My Skin.
End Of My Life, Was Sooner Then I Imagined.
As I Lay By Discples, And Unwedded Virgins.
I Realized, That I Made It To The Heavens.
________________________________________
This Is One The Thought Of People Being Executed By The Government During The Death Penelty, And There "Walk To Death"
IF YOU DON’T GET THIS,THEN DON’T VOTE
I cant feel my heart beat inside my ribs
I just saw the last of my brother and kids
My beloved wife and I, about to be eradicated
The soldier laugh and bluntly state it
I cant walk strait, my feet are frozen
My wife is weary…its not the cold… its because our children were stolen
I know I’m about to die inevitably
I pray to the heavens, but I don’t think God is with me
Or my people, around us is an unspeakable evil
it’s a horrible feeling in side
knowing that everyone is my family is about to die
the shave our heads and take our clothes and shoes
some were relieved, but I new death was about to ensue
the showers were filthy, they smell of rotten flesh
I felt cold, standing next to me was death
He was breathing, down my back and neck
The soldier were my worries, it’s the gas and fire that are my threat
IF YOU DON’T GET THIS,THEN DON’T VOTE
I cant feel my heart beat inside my ribs
I just saw the last of my brother and kids
My beloved wife and I, about to be eradicated
The soldier laugh and bluntly state it
I cant walk strait, my feet are frozen
My wife is weary…its not the cold… its because our children were stolen
I know I’m about to die inevitably
I pray to the heavens, but I don’t think God is with me
Or my people, around us is an unspeakable evil
it’s a horrible feeling in side
knowing that everyone is my family is about to die
the shave our heads and take our clothes and shoes
some were relieved, but I new death was about to ensue
the showers were filthy, they smell of rotten flesh
I felt cold, standing next to me was death
He was breathing, down my back and neck
The soldier were my worries, it’s the gas and fire that are my threat
The Soldier Weren't My Worries
Awh Chew - Honestly I didn't really understand your piece until I read that it was about the death penalty. After I reread it it made perfect sense, but you could have done a better job explaining the situation better. Your vocab and multies were excellent and your imagery was decent. You finished strong. I guess this should have been longer cause it seemed you were very constrained and needed more lines.
Lyrical - You took the exact opposite approach. I understood completely what you were saying as there wasn't really any imagery in your piece, just a lot of storytelling. That's not necessarily good or bad, just very different as his vocab was much superior to yours.
Overall, even though I felt Awh.Chew could have better explained the topic within, I feel that his piece was just better. It flowed better and had a lot of imagery and I personally like imagery more than storytelling cause anyone can tell a story, not everyone can make you imagine one.
Vote - Awh Chew
IF YOU DON’T GET THIS,THEN DON’T VOTE
I cant feel my heart beat inside my ribs
I just saw the last of my brother and kids
My beloved wife and I, about to be eradicated
The soldier laugh and bluntly state it
I cant walk strait, my feet are frozen
My wife is weary…its not the cold… its because our children were stolen
I know I’m about to die inevitably
I pray to the heavens, but I don’t think God is with me
Or my people, around us is an unspeakable evil
it’s a horrible feeling in side
knowing that everyone is my family is about to die
the shave our heads and take our clothes and shoes
some were relieved, but I new death was about to ensue
the showers were filthy, they smell of rotten flesh
I felt cold, standing next to me was death
He was breathing, down my back and neck
The soldier were my worries, it’s the gas and fire that are my threat
some ppl will say that its hard to understand. unique is the word. very good structure, nice wordplay
My Eyes Are Brighten By A Blinding Light.
Filled With Fright, Ill Be Killed Tonight.
Confused On Why, I Pray Pain Is Absent.
Death Appears, As I Enter His Apartment.
It Contained Brawls, Leaving Blood Stained Walls.
As Monsters Fall, My Name Is What Murder Calls.
It Sits In His Palace, He Sips Sinister Chalice.
He Is Faceless, But Very Monterous.
Death Is Laughing, My Family Is Crying.
My Mom Shivers, As Her Son Begins Dying.
Tied Down, As Needles Enter My Skin.
End Of My Life, Was Sooner Then I Imagined.
As I Lay By Discples, And Unwedded Virgins.
I Realized, That I Made It To The Heavens.
nice. not bad. one day you will be very good at topics indeed. the wordplay could do with some work
v/ lyrical genocide
My Eyes Are Brighten By A Blinding Light.
Filled With Fright, Ill Be Killed Tonight.
Confused On Why, I Pray Pain Is Absent.
Death Appears, As I Enter His Apartment.
It Contained Brawls, Leaving Blood Stained Walls.
As Monsters Fall, My Name Is What Murder Calls.
It Sits In His Palace, He Sips Sinister Chalice.
He Is Faceless, But Very Monterous.
Death Is Laughing, My Family Is Crying.
My Mom Shivers, As Her Son Begins Dying.
Tied Down, As Needles Enter My Skin.
End Of My Life, Was Sooner Then I Imagined.
As I Lay By Discples, And Unwedded Virgins.
I Realized, That I Made It To The Heavens
in my opinion this sounds very poetic and it did not flow like a rap to me you sound very much like a poet but this a rap battle forum no offense dawg just try to make it flow more like a verse than a scripture
I cant feel my heart beat inside my ribs
I just saw the last of my brother and kids
My beloved wife and I, about to be eradicated
The soldier laugh and bluntly state it
I cant walk strait, my feet are frozen
My wife is weary…its not the cold… its because our children were stolen
I know I’m about to die inevitably
I pray to the heavens, but I don’t think God is with me
Or my people, around us is an unspeakable evil
it’s a horrible feeling in side
knowing that everyone is my family is about to die
the shave our heads and take our clothes and shoes
some were relieved, but I new death was about to ensue
the showers were filthy, they smell of rotten flesh
I felt cold, standing next to me was death
He was breathing, down my back and neck
The soldier were my worries, it’s the gas and fire that are my threat
this in my opinion was very much like a verse it flowed very fluently and I was actually able to feel the rhythm in it nice structure nice vocabulary
you guys both did very well however like I said this is rap battles not poetry battles and Ima have to give this to Lyrical for the flow and rhythm nice battle guys
V>Lyrical Genocide
..Wow, Uppin...............................
erm first of all i don't think either of you tackled the topic to the extent i imagined when i realised what it was...this would have been something to cram as much emotion into as possible..and i don't really think either of you achieved it..not hating..just didnt click for me.
The first verse started off decent but then got kinda - i dunno how to describe it - not off track, but weaker...if you carried on the way you started perhaps you would have took this..structure and flow were good here though.
the second verse was a different take entirely, different ideas and i suppose the concept hit home more because it was a powerful message, i didnt feel it was expressed as emotionally as it could have been but the language was there and it flowed nicely...
vote : Lyrical Gen
be a darling and drop an honest vote on mine thanks
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=189321
Def Poets
awh:
simplistic but flow wasn't bad. storyline was nice but could have been used better. i felt some emotion from it, and i think ur lines were kind of short and too far from stretched. it was a bit over a decent verse, keep it up.
lyrical genocide:
this peice had a better vocab but the storyline bored me and i didn't like the rhymescheme u chose and u flowed pretty bad. I felt u could of used this topic in a much better way and ur imagery wasn't all that good.
v/chew for being slightly more polished and having a better storyline.
..2-2 Uppin, Ill Insert Random Letters So I Cant Get 50 Characters..
My Eyes Are Brighten By A Blinding Light.
Filled With Fright, Ill Be Killed Tonight.
Confused On Why, I Pray Pain Is Absent.
Death Appears, As I Enter His Apartment.
It Contained Brawls, Leaving Blood Stained Walls.
As Monsters Fall, My Name Is What Murder Calls.
It Sits In His Palace, He Sips Sinister Chalice.
He Is Faceless, But Very Monterous.
Death Is Laughing, My Family Is Crying.
My Mom Shivers, As Her Son Begins Dying.
Tied Down, As Needles Enter My Skin.
End Of My Life, Was Sooner Then I Imagined.
As I Lay By Discples, And Unwedded Virgins.
I Realized, That I Made It To The Heavens.
Awh.Chew...wtf...Absent and Apartment don't rhyme too well; Challice and Monterous don't really rhyme all too well...Virgins and Heavens don't rhyme at all. And I didn't get the verse until I read the explanation at the end...it would've worked better if you had better and more complex rhymes, and explained the concept at the BEGINNING of the verse. The vocab and imagery are good, though.
Lyrical Gen - Your verse was okay...had a good use of vocab and rhymes, yet I didn't quite catch the flow. The imagery was there, yet lacking something. I got it right away, and I didn't need an explanation, so that was good. The rhyme scheme needs improvement, though it rhymes better as a whole, compared to Chew's. I enjoyed the story just a bit more, though.
v / Lyrical Genocide.
v/lyrical genocide, just for comin better with his concept of the subject, it was very even all around but lyrical came out with it towards the end....good stuff guys
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
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