Sorrow Among Us (Sonnet)

[FaceFuckaMidget.]

this sonnet is written in light Shakespearean style
contains 3 quatrains and a couplet.....

I see sorrow in the optic nerves of life,
and i see dreary thoughts in lifes mind
Complications of virtue, living amongst strife
and problems resolution, that life struggles to find

Sorrow is among us, found deep within our souls
but we dare not tell anyone of what is contained
for we are scared of what others think and condole
its easier to withhold and leave sorrow restrained

Tears of joy, and tears of fright and despair
malicious content inside, beggin to release
lifes memories bad and good, found in blank stares
sorrow turns to anger, and compiles into a beast:

suppressed tears, bring the good and bad apart
unexpressed sorrow increases rage, hells renowned art

this is my very first attempt at poetry ever.......i am a battle rapper and have only dropped 1 open mic........

[Marek]

this was well though out and fairly decent for your first attempt at poetry man. seriously dude.
your vocabulary was a little basic,
but other than that it was pretty straight for your first poem.
keep doin wa chu do homie.
props.

.................return the favor...............

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=118556

[$carface]

dis was very good for your first poem...vocab was on point....structure and flow was decent....sounds like you've been holding something from us dawg lol

[ELEETE]

Wow impressive...this was pretty damn good dawg....everything seemed to be structured so well....you kept everything together very nicely...

Seems like you have a very good talent poetically....your imagery was nice as well...geave great image in this....Nice job dawg

[FaceFuckaMidget.]

uppin this....i guess i am just an all around lyricist......i did great at first topical attempt.....and did great at first poetry attempt.....didnt do too well at first battle attempt....but now im all around dopeness.....thanx for feedback....keep it coming

p.s i did this 10 minutes ago.....inspired by shakespeares sonnets....i just thought of a deep topic and let lose

[Lingwistik]

yah was very good for ya first poem, good vocabulary, nice structure, they say sonnets r hard to write, so nice, it flowed nicely, had great imagery, nice job man, keep it up

[FaceFuckaMidget.]

anymore feedback?