Ancient Future|Ft. Poeta

A macabre society,
resting on a foundation
of wet cardboard; crippled,
like a broken-legged rabbit,
using technology as a crutch.

blacked out iris in the snow,
a metropolis of fallen angels
breaking the concrete with babies
smothered in live wires, covered in
fire as we kiss good night to our minds

Meteors dotted the ocean of masses,
like a message from above in morse code.
power-lines fall, steadily, like dying leaves,
and the need for an accommodation is
balanced with need of life.

Electrical romantics are forcefully divorced,
as computers lash out at the families and
leave mother boards bleeding on the stone
cold pulse of DSL hearts; the hills are alive
...with the sound of revolution

Heart-broken, a lost love,
searching for something in the debris,
like an addict digging through hospital dumpster's,
hoping to inhale the scent of 'treasure'
when in reality... it's trash.

Dirty needles to societys veins,
cursing through it's blood 'stream'
untill it shakes hands with the sea
of chains; shimmering to it's demise
we rest forever in a prison of brain 'cells'



Martyr, poeta, martyr, poeta, martyr, poeta.:D
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...on-377841.html

uggh. this was dope.

im gonna have to come back for it. too much to say... too little time. be back in a few.

Holy shit...


You kidding me? WOW this was dope, no doubt one of
the dopest i've read since i been on this site. I love how you
guys went back and forth, but stayed consistent with the whole
storyline, and i really really liked how, the whole piece was like
really a metaphor of what the end is like, straight dope.
The imagery was sickly polished and clear, as well was the emotion
IMO, i see no flaws in this piece, overall a very enjoying read,
and i seriously could've read on if it was longer, but its straight
the way it is. Wonderful piece right here. HoF material IMO.

Quote:

---

Heart-broken, a lost love,
searching for something in the debris,
like an addict digging through hospital dumpster's,
hoping to inhale the scent of 'treasure'
when in reality... it's trash.

---

Quote:

---

Meteors dotted the ocean of masses,
like a message from above in morse code.
power-lines fall, steadily, like dying leaves,
and the need for an accommodation is
balanced with need of life.

---

Those two parts were my favorite, out of this wonderful peace.
keep writing.

-AG.

Wow, i'm glad you took to it so much. Thanks alot for the feed. I'll rtf!

No Prob.
RTFvv
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ed-377632.html

agreed on AG's excitement. ha.

this really was dope. the amount of STRONG images you were able to pack into such neatly condensed stanzas was impressive. i love reading pieces where words are not wasted... where each one contributes to the line as a whole and each line to the stanza... and all that yall had in this was completely necessary. i think with such a topic... and the direction you took it... you could have gone too far with the technological undertones... but instead it wasnt over the top nor was it under developed. tough balance to achieve.

beyond the mechanics of it, i enjoyed the direction / storyline as well. you both did well creating the visual and almost mental landscape of such a bleak future. and damn... those first two stanzas were disgustingly sick. great opening. if i didnt know it was a collab... i wouldnt have any trouble seeing this as being done by one voice. yall meshed well.

my only ONLY minor complaint... was the 'stream' and 'cells'... im guessing the apostrophes were to bring attention to the double play / use of the words... but i think we would get that even without the highlighting. but thats just a personal preference.

nice work yall.

Thanks alot, for the great feed!

This was pretty dope, but not Legends. And you two have to agree with me on that.



Martyr, there was a time where you poetry seemed repetitive to me -- I seriously felt like I was reading the SAME concept, the SAME lines... through EVERY poem you posted and was confused as to why you kept getting so much credit for it. But I opened my eyes man, and I know why now. You really showed me how talented of a writer you are with this right here. Pounds over pounds of emotion with some fucking brilliant imagery. You worded every line perfectly and really hit the ball out of the park with...

Quote:

---

Heart-broken, a lost love,
searching for something in the debris,
like an addict digging through hospital dumpster's,
hoping to inhale the scent of 'treasure'
when in reality... it's trash.

---

Ryan, I love you like the UK brother I never had... and this right here is EXACTLY why I feel so strongly and nonhomo about you man... now, I've seen you use a lot more witty lines in poems before. But some of this was just beautiful homie...

Quote:

---

Electrical romantics are forcefully divorced,
as computers lash out at the families and
leave mother boards bleeding on the stone
cold pulse of DSL hearts; the hills are alive
...with the sound of revolution

---

Hall of Fame, of course it is. Good read guys.

I guess. Thanks.

this was really good.
The imagery from both writers was abstract, original and thought provocting. Your styles didnt conflict at all, the transitions were smooth and clean.
You imagery was really well put together, aswell as metaphors and the intelligene with the direction and word choice. Great stuff.
dug it guys, dug it