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Dope. Thanks @Stranger .
This is my check in.
Checkin let me know if you want to drop early
Secondary topic;
"We are never so defensless against suffering as when we love."
- Sigmund Freud
http://www.fantascienza.net/marsan/ESCAPE.JPG
"We are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love."
- Sigmund Freud
Bitter winds, snow lifted to face, carried from where some river spins,
Born from the scorn, of the sun, absorbed in the storms it is delivered in.
If I had thinner limbs, I'd succumb in the snow up to the edge of my knees,
But I seldom take these hikes, so the mess of stress and its dread is released.
For science is a way of test, and I progress until my perception is through,
How can they be so dense? I seek protection for what I do sense my view!
The stars endless its true, we could be bombarded, defencless, subdued...
The little mentions are spewed, but all the distractions leave our attention unglued.
The message is due: we are watched! But no belief in their ignorant bliss,
As the cold bites fingers and tips, they are blind by dark and belligerent mist.
We are so far in between, but yet we regret and still our indifference missed,
Why does my vision exist? Life is feeble as if on the mountain's prison, a prism of cliffs.
But, I do have my studies, my love: I learned to count my blessings in deep,
Watching skies, edge of my seat, hang onto the good before the wreckage is bleak.
My hikes were like lessons of weeks, every journey and passage the message was tweaked,
I smile as I think of my wife...we met, I was weak, as if all of life had lept from my feet.
The burn in my legs, my face is numb, I love hiking for the reminder of life,
Climb to the heights, of the world and earth, to witness the Great Designer in sights.
The blue of the atmosphere clear, the sun strong with no clouds pervading its rays.
Its amazing in ways, mountains poking through the sky, the storm gracious when its chasing and plays.
Remove the goggles from gaze, look around at the rocks, and snow that had been tumbled and tossed,
Mountains lay flat on the horizon, uprising like the very earth's bubble was lost,
But then there was a sound...profound, and loud as it had jumbled my thoughts,
A flash! The sky, rubble, and frost, bright as I look up to the ship with blue light, as it thunders across.
Is what I see a mistake? In one moment, my anxiety's release would be great,
Rub my eyes, I'm disgraced, as I am overcome with the same disbelief that I hate.
I had been receded in fate, off the wall, because I thought my rocker was hollow,
A pill no doctor could swallow, my worries confirmed by the helicopters that follow.
Am I losing my mind? I digress in my thoughts, breaths depression in chest,
My over stressing, unrest...I would admit that my passion is just obsessive at best.
I put the tension to rest, I shake off my vision, and move my gaze to the summit,
The pits of my stomach, roll, as more ships drop from the sky in waves as they plummet.
It seems so unreal, I had warned this, but did not know how sequence would feel,
Bent like feeble of steel, jaw agape, wide...I can hardly believe that it's real.
All the betting we deal, for what I know, has me fast paced and emerging from snow,
My hike's earliest woes, thrown aside as thoughts of my wife and urgency grow.
It would take time to get down...the wind blowing cold as I am numb to my wits,
I shake and rumble my fist, as the sound of thunder, roars, its the hum of the ships.
I wish I had kept asking the questions, that my lessons had more lasting impression,
Jump on the sled, gas to the engine as the earth shakes as it takes a blast from their weapons.
My past was a recollection: all my life's work, and it had amounted to this?
Hope was drowned in abyss, the ships overhead, as I dive into mountainous pits.
The two stroke engine whistles loudly, proudly...what was spent in my time?
Why was I a human with mind, and not just a piece of scrap inventive design?
I lived in town that was close, my goggles off and face was exposed to the sun,
Growths had begun, I think of my wife and the things we were supposed to have done.
And I was frozen to skin: what if I could never see her and the motion she gives?
I forget myself, ferocious within, I lean forward to go faster and hope that she lives.
As I near the bottom now, time is a caterpillar as I can see the pillars of smoke,
The ships' villainous stroke, missiles are broke, aggressive form like a killer's provoked.
The people run, their cries deep and loud as buildings are dropping around them,
The wind is howling, still...the alien ships pouring like the snow falls on the mountain.
The faster I drive, walls are blasted, so quick the demise reaches our master design,
The disaster entwined, around my environment and what I see is wrath on my mind.
I was shaken, my house destroyed, I weep as my wife was taken, abandoned...
My passions, mistaken, and rancid...fear replacing the life I had taken for granted.
http://www.fantascienza.net/marsan/ESCAPE.JPG
Were we really fighting a War for Peace, or something else?
They say behind each War, is a true reason for the cause!
Today you witness, the story inside the story.
Chad was just another rebel for martyrs who put fate in enemies
At age 19, not even a medal of honor could take back memories...
As The Story Begins.....
The Aftermath of Ap Bac (1963)
As Chad sits eager in his placement in the back of the truck
trembling, he transports more whiskey from his flask to a cup
and there trapped in the muck, some soldiers are dropping glocks
daunted of gore, as the driver says "This is your stopping spot"
So they huddle for one last prayer to stray from the vialed ones
And to gain power from Joseph, as they hop out with dialed guns
As the shadows lengthened over the dry rice fields and dense foliage
Machine gun fire and exploding grenades with fenced boil lids
In twilight, the group moved with patience seeking enemy survivors
Picking plants from the ground for Americas remedy providers
"I still don’t know why we do this…" Chad says, at their strategy
Corpses decaying on the ground, they look at the tragedy
"How can we kill so savagely?" …as they walk to their Captain
"Leave the bodies. Way too many have rotted while in action
In War, the mind is the backbone. War is not just a fitness test
May be in shape, but we’ll be out of breath. What will he witness next?
The Birth of an Agent... 1963
In a Classified Test Lab, in South Korea’s U.S Embassy
Chad is witnessing death, with the rudest infantry
They were there to transport it, if there’s a development
The test subject was Quak Li, captured by fair intelligence
He asked them to spare elegance but that was obsolete
He was tied to a chair in a glassed room, he stops and weeps
There observing, was Arthur Galston, the creator of death
Made originally for plant growth but now a Decatur of breath
He thought this was an interrogation for more materials
but it was a test to confirm if the U.S will be more imperial
As scientists get the nod and they release Hellish Evil
Arthur Stands to protest and gets shot by a Desert Eagle
Quak struggles to get loose, as the gas hits his neck
as the Scientist screams at Quak "It’s not instant death."
When the gases were done, Quak dropped in, then fell
The Chief says "We'll see" as they lock him in a cell
A week later, Quak turns insane and fights like a dancer
The Doctors confirm he’s been diagnosed with Cancer
They also say he has effects of an unknown sickness
Quak lost common sense, and always twitches
The project was a success, and Chad can now head out
As they were walking, they saw where Arthur bled out
Before they loaded the Chief, they talked to the rebels of martyrs
"If everyone stays silent, you will receive a Medal of Honor"
Everyone one agreed, Chad thought it was a great deal
But as time passed he was scared, how would rape feel?
400,000 deaths would do that to a 19 year old Solider
500,000 children born with birth defects, he couldn't get bolder
He was almost satisfied when they were sued by Thomas
the speaker, but Diamond Shamrock paid off Congress
After a while Chad lost sanity and witnessed evil calmly
He was sent to a hospital but his roomie had cerebral palsy
Chad had flashbacks as he looked back at him to talk
and his jaw dropped when he saw the patient was Quak
"You.... You’re dead...." Quak smiled with a gallant gaze
Chad began to laugh, trapped in his valet days
As he blinked, he had his armory and was back in the truck
Déjà vu, as he transports more whiskey from his flask to a cup
But he’s still there laughing... He’s in the real world
72% had the same fate, look what this little deal swirled
So, was it worth it?
You decide.....
As the Illuminati Grows..
First and foremost I want to good job to both of you dudes this was a very impressive battle. Both of you came with it,definite hall of fame material. I hate that someone actually has to be considered a loser smh. Both of you approached the topic creative, but I'm giving Niccaso the edge in this area of my judging, reason being his had a twist to it that was build up strongly, then to add flair to it the whole illuminati thing was brilliant, it was like the entire piece had a double meaning slash story. Flow/Rhyme scheme I give to L.E MAN !!!!You really out did yourself on this one everything connected so smoothly, you even taught me a thing or two with this wow dude. Every thing else I felt was pretty much even so it basically comes down to which I got more enjoyment from, and to be honest my vote has changed countless times already and now I finally came to a pick which is -Niccaso (This is by less than an inch, both of you guys shall be proud no matter the outcome.Both should receive some type of reward good shit fellas)
And again next season I still will smash both of you cats-Mark these words
Vote-Nic in Match worth being remembered, thanks for the entertainment!
okay first of im going to say ... hate to vote on these battles. cause i like both verses in their own way. hmm. well lets go.
First off LE. Multis are superb while mainting solid imagry and a decent story. Was a very smooth read. No problems reading this from start to finish. I really cant fault anything in your verses. so the first verse setting up the scene and emotion of the character on the ground, i like that. 2nd verse is still a scene setter with the characters reaction to them. okay after a few reads, jump on the sled gas to the engine doesnt quite fit, i mean i like the rhyme but the imagry comes out of nowhere but i suppose that would be the case in a snow covered landscape so it does work. but you spoke of hike, that put imagry of walking in my head. so anyway this verse is freezing up and then being hit by an alien crafts artillary barrage. and then ok apparently they missed, i thought you got hit, lol. ok but at your destination there is a slight twist of misfortune. i pretty much liked it all man, this was sweet. soo hmm.
ok nic, your verse sticks out to me more in terms of a story but other than the helicopter. Im not 100% sure how your story relates to the pic. But thats not too big of a deal, i can kind of abstract test subjects as alient experiments, lol i dont know. Also, the name chad, for some reason seems odd to me. But yeah im sure there easily was and could be a chad, so yeah no big deal, personal preference. alright not as smooth of a read as LEs but you also had a very smooth read, i liked the ending and the start quotes. Hmm i guess the only problem would be that your material is forein to me so i dont have the full emotional connection, i could read the emotion though. and i did like your piece.
so hmm, do i like the heavily schemed rhymes or the story based script. this could honestly go either way. I gave them both a few reads and i believe i am going to vote LE, i had his story with minimal faults and a good connection to the pic. Nic, you had great verses too. both dropping very good verses... was hard to decide... ha.
V.LE
LE, a couple complaints, a couple positive notes. Let's begin with the negative. Your wording for the most part was well put together and kept the piece cohesive and fluent. But there were times where you'd word things awkwardly like having one word before another where it should've been after or you'd pause where a pause really wasn't necessary. More issues with grammar or punctuation than anything else really and it was rare to find but it's worth mentioning in a championship/finale. I really don't like adding your wife into the piece the way you did because in my opinion it was random and unnecessary. I can see why you did it as love is mentioned in the quote and having love in a story like this is pretty natural. But you should've talked more about her and/or your relationship throughout the story to really build it up for that end. I feel like you didn't mention it enough and when you mentioned losing her in the end I kinda felt like "eh, whatever man." because you didn't build up that emotional impact it would've had had I as a reader seen you cared by making it a larger part through the read. Seemed like a pretty decent sized story flaw to me and a major cut to yourself in a league finale. Being the first to post. You basically set the standard for your battle. So if Nicasso has a fluent story that stays on point, it gives him the advantage not only because he could've noticed the same story flaw by reading your piece. But because he has the ability to make sure his story has no hiccups. And stories as I've always thought is a huge part of topicals. Overall though if you had taken out the couple lines about your wife and focused more on the rest, this would've been a badass adaption for the picture topic. As is, it isn't a bad read. Technically speaking, it was very entertaining and well put together. It's just the few wording issues and that big story issue that holds me back a bit.
Nicasso, I'm not too sure about this man. You had all the advantages you needed being the second to drop. You could've read his piece, once, twice or multiple times. Get a feel of where he fell short and use that knowledge to make sure you did a better job at capitalizing. I feel like you didn't take the free pass here and it hurt you. You had an interesting concept to go with the topic but I feel like your story was choppy and a bit underwhelming. I've never been a fan of naming characters without giving them proper background stories. If you're telling a story and Miles is running the block, we as readers are thinking "who the fuck is Miles besides a guy apparently running the block?" It's a short coming in story telling and it's writing 101 man. Wording was decent for the most part, you too had issues with grammar and punctuation at times and made things a bit choppy as well. Rhyme scheme could've been a bit heavier. It was pretty straight forward and made for a slow read. Overall an average piece that could've been better but you didn't really take the time you were given.
Good battle, I feel like if LE had taken his time to develop the love between his character and his wife and polished a few bars better than his piece would've been damn near perfect with the topics given. Nicasso kinda fell short here for me. Though a pretty original concept, I just felt it wasn't executed all that well.
Vote LE for the better story read.
Thanks to those that have voted so far. I would like to get this wrapped up today.
@Plexus @DEV @Ntalek @Professor Frost @Sho 'Nuff @Cai @Pistols Pete @Nicasso @Devitt @Brian Bryan @Lenox
If you guys wouldn't mind voting on this, we can get the next season underway in a couple of weeks!
@Nicasso is disqualified for either biting or recycling his piece.
This situation is being investigated further whether or not he will be banned, L.E wins!