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Hop on the bike and watch me freewillie I top the charts like a banana on Ice cream sundaes. Blazing it up
Until I be in a maze, sweet rolled up
Stuffed like a animal. I done got so high. It feel better than gold. now I realized me just chilling in my room ain't that cool.
Good for you for trying… first thing u need to do is format it right.. instead of having it like a paragraph line it up right..
Then sign up here to battle people
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...-WK04-Sign-Ups
@Narvell
It's open mic!
So. Like miracle said. You should format your stuff so it's easier for the reader to flow. Like...
Hop on the bike and watch me free Willie, life is a fight that I keep winning,
stop at a sign, we call that deep thinking, eyes to the sky: ecstasy spinning.
You want the multies to stand out and you want the syllable count to be close enough that it doesn't drag. Free style or not, writing is writing. Now there's some guys who don't put their shit at the end and free flow but even then the multies are still obvious like...
In a rose room we dance to a slow tune, she smiles
and it glows, blooms, my heart melts and my soul rows through.
You just gotta be consistent because those rhymes are watch carries the pace and keeps it interesting to the reader. I won't give feedback on imagery or emotion because you didn't really aim for that here but if you do decide to post anything meaningful and not just freestyling, I got you. Keep writing.
Smoking more then a stove. Gotta
Get that dough. When it rain it floods.
I come from the mud. Steady trying
to get out the pan like the ginger bread
man. Sometimes I fall but it's worth getting up again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Narvell
TAKK THAT SHIT
- - - Updated - - -
Quote:
Originally Posted by Narvell
Yo sign into the LLL battle league on here bro
- - - Updated - - -
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...-WK04-Sign-Ups
Sign in
I feel the rhythm, a cool riddim It's taking me away, like a wave in the sea It's a feeling, a soulful vibration dancing through me like the breeze in the trees.
nommed
About as raw as it gets, had some decent content but hella rushed and didn't make much sense as it is.
Keep writing tho.