To Afraid to Love You
Dear Father,
I've spoken to you before, always veiled words and queer quotes
Now I've finally found the strength to converse with a cleared throat
If I'm gonna be honest, I made thus journey towards you out of sheer hope
Ignorin all sign if dread, how could I love what I fear most
Man. This is a heartfelt opening man. From the title even. 'Too Afraid to Love You' Small typo on the too but whatever. I feel like a lot of us can relate to talking to our fathers this way. It's not the masculine way to show a lot of emotion and speak how we really feel. Just some humorous words that the funniness veils what we're feeling. Laughter as opposed to really confronting the things we'd like to talk about. Queer quotes is good too. Fearing the father and the father's judgment. I really dig that. On top of that, I feel like I can read this in another way. Love of God, even. The Father. Just taking a look at the picture, we could say it's almost like a religious journey.
So I walk this path, through desert Sun and arctic blasts
Ever weary due to constant conscious thoughts of wrath
Yours to be exactSo even if the heart had played a part in the matter
Its for want of seeing hearts that passed
Yet this road is full of so many hurdles it's hard to care who's
At the end, that's until I see your dark side and start to fear you
So I'm on the righteous trek, so excited to see the real you
Can't be blind, even the Wise Men's journey was full of peril
I feel while serving you I've allowed myself nothing in life
Remaining loyal to the cause has cost two sons and a wife
One lost to your ways, the younger one's been slaughtered in hate
His vision blurred and I fear his heart has corrupted his fate
Sheltered in faith under your umbrella yet nothing is safe
Wish you'd cut to the Chase but lack strength to act tough to your face
Since the day I've be saved I've been afraid to make another mistake
There it is. Another dual reading where the religious aspect rears its head. First, I like your flow. Some things work better than others, but man the meaning and the story is all there. On top of that 'feeling'. The emotion is strong. I can visualize a son trying to get out of his father's shadow. Not to remain in the path of his sins; the sins of the father are visited upon the sons. And, we have the questioning of faith. A wife lost and another son gone because of his ways. Loyalty and religion perhaps costed them their lives in some way. And the other has lost his way, hate-filled; blinded by his rage he's turned away from that path. This is a really cool representation of faith.
Dependent and obedient as a whipped pup in a crate
Your paradise remains my sole dream of an escape
Hope the elation's worth the trip because the suffering's great
Regret would come in, if I met the end and saw it led to nothin
Thinking how I could've sold my soul to be a better husband
Now I'm all alone in the cold and you warm my bed with nothing
Surley all this devotion gets me ahead in somethin
Your light shines when I gather with like minds
Then once back to my slum village its like you scared to ride by
So do you truly love me? Or do you fear me like I fear you
Cause I've been callin and think you should hear me if I hear you
What I wanna know is if I'll ever truly be near you?
From your mountain can I see my children with a clear view?
Should I still fear when I'm near? Are new sins cleared too?
Or would the gate to your palace hold a plaque listing clear rules?
I do believe you are infallible, never for a second doubted you
It's just you weren't the type of dad that I could play around with you
Count in you, or basically expect anything out of you
Except to kick my ass if I ever tried to walk out on you...
Paradise. Heaven. A dream of escape from the cruel world; perhaps the world is hell or perhaps it is purgatory. Again, the father imagery is great. An absentee father in some ways, and the analogy of this relationship to God. Just, real fucking solid and heartfelt. But now the God imagery is even more clearer within this stanza. We can't play with God. We don't see God, but he beats us down if we try to walk out; or so the book says. Down to Hell we go. Seems like an abusive relationship, and I wonder which way your commentary goes; positive or negative.
Still you birthed me then you raised me to a man
Now I'm in my final days and like a baby once again
I need your nurturing had to rock me to sleep as I float through the sand
Let fear guide me to the ultimate land.
What a way to leave a sense of grey here. Let 'fear' guide to the land of heaven. That's a disturbing quote if you look at in long enough. Real nice touch to end the piece on. Let's us sit on a shit ton of heavy thoughts.
