Sacred Scriptures Season 15 Week 2: Nahlidge (0-0) vs TheIllyricist (0-0) *NAHLIDGE WINS*

Check in by 2/13
Verses by 2/17 if extension granted 2/18
Voting ends 2/22
You must vote on all open battles

See rules here----> http://rapbattles.com/showthread.php...eason-15-Rules

THIS IS A RECOMBINED BATTLE SO BOTH COMPETITORS CAN USE THE ADDED TOPICS
BOTH COMPETITORS WILL HAVE A COMPLEMENTARY EXTENDED TIME TO POST BY 2/18 - 143
@Nahlidge @TheIllyricist


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“I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.”
“If you believe what you like in the Gospel, and reject what you don't like, it is not the Gospel you believe, but yourself.”
“We were given the Scriptures to humble us into realizing that God is right, and the rest of us are just guessing.”
“Prayer will make a man cease from sin, or sin will entice a man to cease from prayer.”

Will of Iron
Hell's Kitchen
Monumental Buffoonery
Consequential Suggestions

Check please.

check

Ah ok @143 I just PM'd you. I seen this post though and your post in the chat so I know what happened.

Topic: Will of Iron

Johnny Came Home One Day

Johnny came home from school one day
Thoughts imprinted ever to remain
Stories of the previous brave do stay
With promises of glory to claim

Age old expressions revived
Blood and iron and duty
Packed up in a travel bag
No raffle hat, he would go, by choice

Johnny left home one day,
Poured into the crucible
Where elder smiths mold him
To their iron design

Clothed in honor and sacrifice
Selflessly armed with heroic bullets
Individual broken down to one sculpted gear
In the churning bravery engine

Johnny went to the jungle one day
Equipped belief of dutiful will
Draped in red and blue stripes
Painted with dreamed ideals

First steps down the darkened
Jungle corridors, halls of vine
Leaf green life casting shadows of,
The unseen

Camaraderie charm keeps the ease
Til' one man stepped out of line, and
The mine says "One less brother in arms."
With blood trickling from fiery tongue

Dark nights lit with bursting terror
Never sleep with death on the doormat
Knock, knock, knocking
With double tapped fists

Johnny felt the dark that day
Creeping fingers of the reaper
Carved down his spine
Etching the echoes of inevitable loss

Heat scars with steamed sweat
Mud and rain drowns the face of hope
But the boy closes his eyes and tries to remember
"With a will of iron, you will be great."

Old voices silenced
Blood and bodies form
Trails from My Khe to Saigon, to
Darkness that swallows whole

Johnny stared into the jungle deep
Infinite black unafraid of iron shells
He walked in and walked out alive, but never came back;
Johnny came home one day.

Order up! Marinate, prep cook and add pizzazz
I can't wait to let loose and get my fix after class
At one point they taught us anything wanted could be had
Well try telling that to a boy searching for his should be dad
Goodie bags, sweet treats, toys and field trips
Didn't cure the void of absent parents, we're still sick
I used to kneel and stare for hours from my window sill
Tempo still a little upbeat from being a single mother's meal ticket
I still kick it on the block where I was raised
And still feel like a child in the parks where I would play
But these old man bones, they're starting to feel brittle
While my taste buds can still color sort a pack of skittles
I learned to dance with two left feet, one drags a little
Long car rides didn't mean shit when we had "padiddle"
But when times got tough, they'd watch it boil over the top
Tossing broken hearts and aspirations in the pot
These lacerations seldom stop bleeding, the lesson learned?
Sometimes they build you up to chop you back down as the next to burn
Stoke the fire, wash the dishes and keep flipping
Lost souls are served like entree's and burgers in Hell's Kitchen

I'm a bit lost by this piece. Not lost as in the concept or wording but lost as in isn't this suppose to be a topical battle? Topicals commonly come with rhyme schemes. But Illy hardly rhymed at all after the first stanza. So I'm sorry but I feel like that's a huge negative in my book. Coming into a battle with a more poetry esque piece. Kinda dumb, no offense. Wording was clean as fuck and if this was a poetry battle I'd say your piece would defeat most. But in a topical arena, I can't smile about it. Nothing else to really say.

Nahlidge, rhyme scheme and wording kinda has a bit of a Joe Budden/Joel Ortiz style to it. I like it. Piece reads really smoothly and the pace is a nice touch to it. The concept isn't creative but it's original and sometimes originality pays more than creativity. Y'feel me? I could hear this verse on a Joe Budden or Slaughterhouse track for sure. I liked it.

Illy had the better concept but I feel like Nahlidge took every other element, not to mention a more topical-like verse. So vote Nahlidge.

ok i've read these two verses a few times throughout the day and i'm ready to vote now. My vote goes to Nahlidge.

breakdown

theIllyricst BEAUTFIFUL verse! Imagery was off the chart. Wording was impeccable but the one MAIN component missing, here, and you probably already guessed it was the rhyming side of things. I think even some semblance of rhyming may have made this a real battle, nah mean? Because this verse was, to me, an awesome verse. So the plot tells of a soldiers plight. His involvement in war and the PTSD that follows, i believe. The name Johnny connotes a 50'ish vibe about it, at least to me anyway, so even that alone painted a picture in my head, initially. the last line was awesomely constructed. Ever since i've visit the poetry forum here i've had a new found respect of layered metaphors and other poetic devices so this read really quench that side of my writer's personality. But again, i wish there was some semblance of rhyme scheme because again, i really wanted to vote for this.

Nahlidge Due to the nature of the league, u didn't have to do too much to meet the "winning" criteria but u did any way. Awesome execution of the topic - and very creative and original too. Hell's kitchen and the numerous idioms associated with could easily have been corny but i think the narrative and the core theme of this verse gave it quite the freshness (no pun intended). The verse tells of a boy who's life necessity aged him before his time and a subtle commentary against the "american dream". the wording were very concise and the rhyming was very crisp. to echo the previous voter, it had a really strong audio vibe about it. Great read, man.

Although i connected with TheIllyricist more, it would be unfair to give him the win because this really is a rhyme league. Nahlidge, although, a somewhat convential tale of life as a lower-class American, he brought panache with great clean schemes and some very potent comments.

I'll:
It was a pretty good piece, but not a topical. Your poem was nicely written but was also out of it's element here. It was the equivalent of showing up to the haiku tourney submitting a battle rap. Feel me?. However; post it in the PS and I'll give you a proper review.

Nahlidge: This was a nicely written verse. Your lines were clean. The diction was clear. The wording and The flow were both smooth. You told a cool story and incorporated some ill wordplay that correlated to the topic effortlessly.

Vote --Nah easily takes the Dub

Both displayed skillful abilities here, but Ill's piece seemed to be in the wrong form and forum. So....

Ill- A more poetry driven piece rather than a traditional topical. The rhyme scheme seemed neglected here and that drew away from the piece, but your use of imagery and choice of vocab was at a high standard and really brought the story of the soldier to life. The repetition was a good touch and nice metaphors were throughout. It felt like you connected with the topic well. I'd just say to make your next piece in a more topical format, focus more on the rhymes and it'll take the work up to a higher level.

Nahlidge- A nice snapshot into the mind of a man living in rough circumstances. The verse was short, sweet and flowed really well. The emotional content was there, nice chronological flow to the piece and a rhyme scheme which tied it all together really well. You stuck to the topic cleanly. Felt that maybe the vocab could be upped a little but otherwise strong in all areas. Nice work.

Vote- Nahlidge

Nice battle guys.

Good on you for trying to be different there Ill. As you can probably tell from your other votes, it might not be the best venue for the format you came with. Very poetical though, and I appreciate the thought you put into it. Kind of dope as it was one of the topics I submitted named after a song of mine so it was interesting to read. I dug the approach of being moulded and how it really tied together at the end. I could mention the rhyme, but I won't as you probably know already.

Favorite Lines:

"Heat scars with steamed sweat
Mud and rain drowns the face of hope
But the boy closes his eyes and tries to remember
"With a will of iron, you will be great." "

Nice little segment there. Very good poetry. Throw in some rhyme schemes to suit the format of competition better and you will be a force my friend.

Nahlidgde, this was a cool piece. I liked the humorous vibe, and I definitely liked how there was an unexpected twist at the end. Some cool wording, kind of inbetween and abstract story telling with hidden meaning. I liked the flow and the use of vocabulary as well.

Favorite Lines:

"These lacerations seldom stop bleeding, the lesson learned?
Sometimes they build you up to chop you back down as the next to burn
Stoke the fire, wash the dishes and keep flipping
Lost souls are served like entree's and burgers in Hell's Kitchen"

The ending tied it together. I felt some of the wording within was a little loose, but it was a strong enough entry within this battle in terms of style and technique.

Good job to both, it is unfortunate that Ill didn't have some rhyme schemes. If it were a poetry battle, Ill would have taken this. However, it is not the case in a 'topical rap' format than has more emphasis on rhyme schemes.

Vote - Nahlidge

Ill

I love the fact that you came out of the box. That's what this league is for, creating new standards with their verses. Kudos. I felt most of it as the flow began to catch on. I had to adjust how I was reading it due to the fallen base in emotions that was going on. Interesting take on the topic too. Yes, more rhyming would have given it a topical feel than prose. But overall the emotions is what I got here and the way you presented them was dope.

Nah

WTF...The imagery of everything that a kid would love and do verse the pain of not having that father figure was out the box. Using the angle as a short order cook to deliver that integral core between the two was also magnificent. Even as short as it was, it was packed with the combos that kept that flashing between hurt and delight. Mechanically it was there being smooth than flashy. You picked the perfect length too as if it was longer it would have felt drawn out. I commend you for dropping what I think is VOTW.

Vote Nah