.State of Emergency.

In my head there is just silent screams… violent dreams//
At times it seems like life is outta my hands//
And bein’ successful is sometimes outta my plans//
Just tryin’ to live, dyin’ to give a reason for my existence//
Because right now I feel lost, thoughts tossed back and fourth//
Sometimes you go down that road, that you ain’t ready to explore//
But you keep askin’ for more, not knowingly//
Some cats is not showing me the reason they flowing G//
Literally leakin’ lies upon lies//
Love of my life is lost as my eyes cry//
I try my best, but at times it just ain’t enough//
WHO THE FUCK are y’all to say that my life ain’t tough//
I’ll die for what I got, even though it ain’t much//
A faint touch of pen strokes upon the page//
Sadness and hurt now turns upon rage, and I feel right//
Fuck my friends, ‘cept Yank, me and him real tight//
2003, muthafuckas don’t want no part of me, they got the mouth but lack the heart//

The realness is the shots that niggas wanna rain//
Enigmatic, saw my hood niggas die from the bullet pain//
Hitting the window pane, dyin’ from another niggas gain//
You can call it a shame when we say R.I.P. to Dane//
But that set he claims, his soul will forever remain//
But what about the fame? Shit’s gone, you niggas never felt the heat//
On the wrong beat, caught without heat//
Happy to introduce you niggas to the streets//
Niggas gotta eat but what does America care//
Bush doesn't have to move, he makes all his calls from his white house chair while people in Africa run bare//
He says fair is fair, but while we pack food on the plate, 100 million hungry children needy, savin’ it’s to late//
Think… if you were in their shoes, what would you do?//
Shit niggas, I’m telling you karma’s a bitch, and she bout to fuck the hell out of you//

Y'all sleepin'... Check this shit out, and up it!

The flow was tight, but the rhyme scheme was way off dunny. Half the bars didn't rhyme with the ones they were supposed to rhyme with...for example:

In my head there is just silent screams… violent dreams// (A)
At times it seems like life is outta my hands// (B)
And bein’ successful is sometimes outta my plans// (B)
Just tryin’ to live, dyin’ to give a reason for my existence// (C)
Because right now I feel lost, thoughts tossed back and fourth//(D)
Sometimes you go down that road, that you ain’t ready to explore// (D)

A good rhyme scheme should go:
(A)
(A)
(B)
(B)

An even better oen goes:
(A)
(A)
(A)
(A)
(B)
(B)
(B)
(B)

the "A"s rhyme, and all the "B"s rhyme, thats a rhyme scheme, work on that, and you should have Open Mic on lock dunny....

Holla......

P.E.A.C.E.

P.S. Return the favor please.....thank you.

this piece is hot, im def. feelin tha concept, that flow was tyte, tha rhyme was koo, i wasnt lookin 4 no scheme tho, but i like this one
keep uppin

All I got to say is that my rhyme was fresh, it was a freestyle, not some written junk. That's why my ""scheme"" wasn't exactly how you wanted it dunny.

exactly what thriteenth apostle said^ sayin that shits garbage
I could say you might have been pumpin every nas song for a good minute and then wrote this..or freestyled it*
you need to up you vocab dunny...um yeah thats word...blah

how about we just read eachothers peices and take it for what it is aesop rocks ill but who wants to here him say a bunch of words thatll get you roamin for a dictionary every verse...no fuckin body so I dont stress vocab and write what i feel a true poet like many on this site im ghost

What you talkin' about man? You don't even know what the hell is going on out here. You just talkin' out your ass... Stay out my threads. Anyone else, who knows what's up, keep uppin'.

to be honest, you flipped flopped on the point of your drop.... at times you are talking about the pain in your life .... then you go to mc's and how they cant rap

But you keep askin’ for more, not knowingly//
Some cats is not showing me the reason they flowing G//
Literally leakin’ lies upon lies//
Love of my life is lost as my eyes cry//
I try my best, but at times it just ain’t enough//
WHO THE FUCK are y’all to say that my life ain’t tough//
I’ll die for what I got, even though it ain’t much//
A faint touch of pen strokes upon the page//
Sadness and hurt now turns upon rage, and I feel right//
Fuck my friends, ‘cept Yank, me and him real tight//
2003, muthafuckas don’t want no part of me, they got the mouth but lack the heart//

stick to one topic

Nah, that's 'cuz that's how my life is. A big confusion, i'm freestyling, tell how shit goes for me. You know, keep uppin' though.