20 line limit Poetry battle.
Due Tonight.
Topic: Tear Drop Dreams
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20 line limit Poetry battle.
Due Tonight.
Topic: Tear Drop Dreams
Good Luck††††††††††††††††††††.††††††††††††††††††††.†††† ††††††††††††
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Tear drop dreams
fear the screams
They said you wouldn’t survive
deprived of life, all in one night
tear drop dreams; your screams
my dreams, nightmares scheme
lost on the cross, crossed a line
toss a loss of life into the blind
tear drop dreams, not forgotten
stopping the rotting; the rotten.
Tear drop dreams, hear me out
shout to the lord to open the clouds
close heavens gate, it’s to early
surly you know, that I’m hurting
my love was stolen by accident
but accidents can be packing sins
lord work one of your miracles
let this be a time of supernatural
tear drop dreams, it was killing me
but my baby saved me, from killing.
her focus is on that
one last drop of a dream
that slithers down her web of lashes
and rolls into the curve of
her lips.
it's then that the knees do battle.
having held their own under
pressure all these years, only
the tide of change could make
her lose those sea legs.
the sunsets of late are met with
the stale smell of her porcelein prayers,
eyes wide shut, holding for dear life onto
the only relationship she could ever
count on lasting until the morning
but as days of her porcelein
prayers go unanswered, she opens
her eyes and finds, that at times,
life is but a dream.
Aight lets get some votes on this battle here people, just drop an honest vote and leave a link for people to respond to.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show....html?t=339563
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...le-339861.html
Feedback and votes would be great. I'll drop like 2 voting links.
upping 2 ... ............. ... ............. .. . ...... ... .... . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .... . .. . ... ... ..
This is pretty dead, but idunno how to judge a Poetry battle, but it must not be too hard..So I'll give it a try, and sorry if i'm wrong..
-Lutherius- So basically it didn't sound like a poetry verse, more of an topical, because it rhymed, but basically it was pretty cool, the vocab needs some more words though, and your imagery was pretty good also..So basically you didn't do too bad of a job..:2thumb:
-Esco 3000- Your verse sounded more of poetry, bigger vocabulary, and more imagery then luthers..I liked your vocab, and the type of story line you used....Basically i loved the storyline, but this was a good battle, so i'd have to give my vote too Esco..
V/Esco 3000
Hit up My battle against Mr. Write.
Lutherius- Your repitition was a good thought for creativity but it didn't work in this piece because you didn't surround it with enough solid content. Also your choice of words was a bit elementary and overall nothing really jumped out at me.
Esco- From the first stanza i liked the imagery you displayed. The poetic voice was good and it felt like your piece was a lot more appealing as if you were speaking to the reader. Overall you did good job of illustrating your poem and approaching the topic.
Vote- Esco 3000
Bell, your verse was nice I have to admit, although I see you sacrificed alot of your flow for your rhyming. The first and last stanza to me held more poetic value than the other stanza. Your wording really hurt you in the second stanza.
esco, your piece was really solid and fluid thanks to your word of choice and extensive vocabulary. Once I started your piece I noticed the simple yet poetically effective metaphors, they really got the message across to me, with all the beating around the bush, my style of poem..
v/esco, although I started to vote bell for a second..
^ holla
That makes the voting count 3-0 in my favor which is a knockout, i believe. Mods you can close this.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...11#post5791311 - you aready know
-Lutherius- L yours sounded kind of Topical to me anyways.Your emotion was kinda weak could use some improvement also you lacked a vocab,you kept things to simple to my liking.Imagery wise you was ok around this area,you had some detail but not as much as Esco sorry you did'nt do enough to get this win here L.But overall you did a ok/Decent job just not enough as I said.
-Esco 3000-You had very strong vocab use here which I expect nothing less from you.Imagery matched your whole concept.Good story line.But the bad side of your verse is (well not bad)but with you I still expect better to I guess its from what you do in P.S and things of such.....Not to much explaining to do here you just had better everything then Lutherius.
Vote Esco 3000
Hit up my Battle in I.E
Eh, very one sided battle man... Esco I believe I had already read your piece, but it was a lot stronger than Belligerant's piece, it was a TON stronger actually. Belligerant, I don't think you should go facing these skill levels in people before you are actually ready man. I believe in training up - but not this far up, lol man... But very one sided battle - Esco had a beautiful piece - I'm a sucker. :love: